Specificity

> Auto-generated index of all bit files. Extracted from Apple Notes dated files and topic files.

A significant portion of the vault (perhaps 40%+) consists of performance logistics: set maps, show runsheets,

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DULqXQXEYHt/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT5gUmPiemT/

I can maim 2 birds with one stone

> If you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you'll end up thirty-seven times better by the time y

The NYC ferry is amazing mostly because once a day, I get to be a pirate. Did you know that every ferry has a

Californians are everywhere which is odd considering we came out west on the 1800s.

Jewish private school

Hitler had a threesome with Eva Braun and a Jewish super model who knew astrophysics and was a virgin. She was

> A bunch of stuff that either qualifies or is close to a one-liner. Compiled from 35+ source files. Source wi

I volunteered this Christmas at skid row on 5th & San Pedro.

- I have had so many STDS antibiotics don't work on me anymore

I recently found out that Doctor Strange isn’t a gynecologist.

Isn't it interesting that Johnny Bravo sort of modeled today's bachelor? Jacked as fuck, rizzed to the teeth,

This knowledge base was synthesized from ~2,100 Apple Notes. It maps the major themes, categories, and pattern

Hi

Because I'm Jewish, I got a lot of friends from high school that have the last names Epstein and Weinstein.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVdCeWVCQbr/

I started ordering Dominos when I'm lazy and my roommate gained 5 lbs. Talk about a Domino's effect

I'm Jewish and I like Israel, but I don't think it's the only option for a homeland

What if a 2 year old was sentient and asking adult questions while all the other two year olds were talking li

Hugh Hefner if he had a mustache:

This article maps the cross-cutting obsessions, structural moves, and signature patterns that appear across th

My legs aren’t shaking because I’m nervous

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

Age is just a number

A digest of all new writing in the two weeks leading up to Netflix is a Joke. Organized by theme, with develop

Schindler's List only has 98% on Rotten Tomatoes

I wrestled in high school

Went 0-19 freshman year of wrestling. Dad watched me get pinned in 25 seconds. Two years later, got revenge on

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWLwn6_gd_U/

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

Theo Vonn had Tony Robbins on his podcast

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTibvfkjSdM/

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

These are the most developed, most promising, and most distinctive concepts across the vault. Ranked loosely b

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

If you're trying to Netflix and chill

I'm not gay but if you put Ryan Gosling in a film and play the right music, I'll seriously start questioning m

There is a pornstar who goes by Anne Frank

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWDe8PeE9A4/

- Hot nurse is rubbing jelly and an ultrasound wand on some balls

I'm such an optimist I purchased an Amazon condom subscription.

There are actually another 603

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW50kK3gt8g/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUgRBmdjJP2/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV3Jui7Ej4N/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVnA04SFFE6/

My neighbor came over today and he told me he lost his turtle.

The largest thematic area by note count. David's comedy persona is earnest, horny, slightly chaotic, and deepl

My experience with threesomes is that one type of three way is waaaay better than the other

David's comedy persona is built around a specific kind of insecurity: not self-pity, but self-aware absurdity.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWik-xCD0a3/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV0N_uMAKnE/

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

Diagnosed with ADHD at 6 → Adderall prescription → basically the school drug dealer. Who bullies their drug de

A deeply personal category with some of the most developed, layered material. ADHD is not just a topic but a l

I wanted to be a mechanic but when they found out I was Jewish they said no

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWOEI9MEmyu/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXOgtHNlKc4/

In November 2013, the Splash Lab presented "Urinal Dynamics," demonstrating with high-speed experiments that r

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 6 makes no sense — a 6-year-old with ADHD is just a regular 6-year-old. The docto

I'm Jewish so

From the bible:

This is one of the most developed thematic pillars in the vault. The material spans childhood, religious schoo

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV8CH_CARRZ/

I’m Jewish, but I can’t date Jewish women.

I like to compare my sex life to the career of a French language movie star.

When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror for the first time that day

George started a boxing class and I think that's great… because he has a very punchable face

David has a strong instinct for character work, developed through clown training, improv (Groundlings), and st

I could travel back in time to see Bill Cosby while he was still on TV playing Dr. Huxtable

ADHD doesn't go away — it's like herpes. And the comparison keeps going from there.

I only eat one cereal for a while. Like I only ate pops for like two years in high school.. and then I ate coo

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXeDWebjRga/

I saw a homeless person walking around with a sword

David works in health tech (MDCalc) and has watched the AI boom from inside the industry. This gives him genui

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVAaJPZAgyH/

I grew up on goosebumps

I went to Staten Island for a rim job

Sometimes I see a thirst trap on social media and I can't help but think classic guy things.

People have been riding this chatGPT hype in 2 ways:

Blackface is a thing of the past; makeup is cool and all but why would I paint a black face when I can just us

The "Jew from the Future" persona is one of David's most fully realized characters. The [[FUTURE megafile]] is

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVKvCJTDcAU/

I'm nothing like Hitler, except I also like to paint, I like hikes, and I occasionally wear my mustache for ye

Tonight I met this cute girl

Boeing employees suicide rates fly higher than the 737 max.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUG3hogjK7X/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXL13j4Eb1D/

I have ADHD, but not like your regular ADHD.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW0pndBjeEJ/

Arguing with a rabbi is like a boss battle you know you're going to lose because it's kind of hard to argue a

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW3SorMFN5Q/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV5bBOTlC-6/

I like to count my calories

I once got into an argument with my parents about abortion. I was 15 and heard the word a couple of times, and

Are you on the apps? I'm on the apps. I love them. Chess.com, lichess, grindr

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUi7UaFkfxz/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUrgUgTjJPk/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXBz6M_AaNn/

Gorilla glue then gorilla tape. What's next?

It takes me a while to cum

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXTbRdgiZ9I/

Heelies are how I communicate that I am both a good time and an accidental pregnancy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU1mP9glRV2/

Portal in New York reopens but I want to see a portal from New York to LA and more portals.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTu9txJDFAb/

I think we’re all too gay for Ryan Gosling.

Neo Nazis are interesting

They say you should treat your body.

I have a good relationship with my managers because I love kissing ass. Sorry-

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWf2a_wDqHc/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVfrwUGlBk3/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT3ych5AizC/

Great place. Teaches kids about the real world. Fun games don't win prizes. If you lose; eat some pizza. You c

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUQhVHHj-kS/

Clap it up if you follow girl code or guy code

On an AI dating app. It asks "why not?" when you swipe no — which starts to border on therapy. Ends up wanting

In Germany they will put you in prison if you draw a swastika. Well in second grade I drew a lot of them becau

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU8gi2giAqf/

**Murphy's Law**: what can go wrong will go wrong.

So I'm Jewish (surprise) and I'm what my high school rabbis would call 'off the derech' — off the path.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVDCe8ilJPI/

I don't identify with most of the yelp reviews I see on the website

My senior year of high school: I went to an all boys Jewish private school. I thought it would be a great idea

----

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWntPt5gfuh/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVGxxjnEUYk/

Loves meeting women with boyfriends. No pressure, get to practice listening, get to be a third wheel, get goss

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years old

I recently went to the grocery and discovered Shaq gummies.

You guys ever look at someone's butt

The rabbi, 25 years old and ready to start his life teaching faith

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXHAMTvCAgu/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUlL-GElXoA/

I feel like I have a lot to say about erectile dysfunction

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUzNo2YADnr/

Golden bachelor casting director reviewing the first round of candidates:

I lost my virginity to a rabbi

When I open my phone, I usually check the weather app or my chase bank app; either way, I'm either pleasantly

There are 2 types of men

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVQZgqYiXpP/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXY1HusDhIG/

Ideas for pants for Acro:

Okay, hear me out.

This is David's biggest differentiator as a comedian. He can juggle, do acrobatics, backflips, handstands, and

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVp44CvAcnZ/

The perfect compliment for men:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXD_y2DEg5K/

I get so many ads for valentines day themed things. It's kind of ridiculous that if I don't want to be sad I n

I don’t trust Waymo’s

I'm interested in true crime not because I like true crime but because it seems like true crime has a monopoly

I feel like as a Jew, you've gotta mask your horniness in a willingness to procreate.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT_z0E3ga-6/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUdy59ZDJ8r/

Valentina Gomez running for Secretary of State in Missouri

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUMYyuVEUfa/

I'm really upset about this wife thing

I went out with someone

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVH4KtoDN3o/

A distinct sub-theme that sits at the intersection of relationships and technology. David has written seriousl

Allergic to cats. When a woman has a cat, have to decide if she's worth giving up air. This spirals into aller

I got my first handjob in a New Jersey public park baseball field dugout

I wear a condom out spite for my father

Arguing with rabbis about God → arguing with code that won't compile. Structurally identical. Mom still doesn'

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW8hCVeEYov/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV-b1JjjMta/

If I smell I'm sorry. That's anxiety sweat. I put on deodorant, but my anxiety is stronger than the deodorant

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXgqmLJICwa/

I don't get ghosted.

I'm so insecure that if you hired a cyber security company to run a penetration test

Having ADHD is great. Even if I'm distractible, my mind works in an interesting way and brings me interesting

In Judaism, we don’t have the concept of a born again Jew like you have born against Christians

What do you do when you catch your friends cheating? Do you tell people you know? Believe it or not, I can kee

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUBz3j1lVv3/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT0WvvED5lI/

Fanart used to be easily picked out or at least hard enough to do that I only found it if I was ready to scrol

A friend of mine recently started doing comedy after a breakup. I thought: this is a great origin story!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU6C6l5iFih/

Horny resume. It's a lot like filling out a resume when you're looking for a job because you NEED one. You're

I'm never gonna own a house

So these are a bunch of dad jokes

Pole dancers feel no pain. They feel nothing at all. Have you ever seen a robot themed pole act that was almos

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUVoVPCEU9x/

Software is sometimes like comedy. You gotta clown, and then you need to think pragmatically and edit.

When I was in college, a friend asked me to do his business homework for him. I felt weird like I was being ra

Superhero music is inspirational, that's why I switched from lofi to Hans Zimmer as sexy time music

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUYqrVRDN4l/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUD-YVvCdMg/

I've been thinking about pretending to be bisexual to get a job at a pro DEI corporation.

Every men in here has measured his penis, more than once

Whenever I see a hot person, I wanna be a better man.

Because he doesn't realize that you need to build an orgasm like you renovate a house

I was separated from women for 10 years.

Aang is proof that you can backflip over your problems.

CEO of snoop's smokeless stove was fired for poor sales

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTfmjyGFC4Z/

**Sex Ed**

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVao_yjjwVV/

Men love being called the man

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTqHBQWky_j/

So one of my favorite parts about stand-up specials is the opening.

I love the noun "nut"

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWVoGNPClUP/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWYUkZkCSpH/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVibWQLClfr/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVR1bJnkUq4/

A while ago Uber added this feature where you can put your preference that you don't wanna talk to the driver.

It must be crazy hard to get a PhD in sexology. Just staying up all night to study sex.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVkw95Uldr1/

I tried ghosting my AI girlfriend but I couldn't.

Any Jews in here?

I had a threesome with my best friend

My ex girlfriend told me she faked all her orgasms, but they were real to me

ADHD acronym:

I want a doctor who takes naps

So remember when I was in yeshiva — a Rabbi told me an argument in favor of waiting until marriage: if you sle

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVvAfBHmaTK/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWlHahciYuP/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWa8EAcCWLx/

My dad was mad when I got my first tattoo

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWdaY06DOSM/

I've been single for so long my mattress has retained its resale value

I've been on this AI dating app

In sixth grade my friend was talking about pornography — and he used the word "pornography" because to an 11-y

You can learn the intimate details about me on stage or after sex during pillow talk. Either way it's a 2 drin

I've been thinking about going into the sperm industry.

Virginity is a lot like my foreskin

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXJGwlGlLBA/

I got hit when I was a kid

I like talking about statistics but I'm almost positive that every time I say the word 'statistics', every one

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTtYZRSgd4V/

The place the Bible says sodomy was invented.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWTAVHeEQDO/

Pro tip for those of you who (whom?) work at an office:

I think in order to get approved for a loan, you should show them your guest bathroom

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWI__hEFLcN/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXRM7k8iFC1/

A lot of guys will brag about being able to make a woman come

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWs9gtSEtBV/

I want to get a dog, but I don't know if it's worth the risk. Like what are the odds my dog becomes an Instagr

The bigger the penis the harder it is to aim

I think if somebody licks their fingers at the table, you gotta lick your fingers too

**Thursday and the Staten Island story**

Dating is awesome and it sucks. For women, I imagine when it rains it pours, and it's always raining. It's rai

The talk with my dad was short.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW-79J-CE0i/

Comedian who's a mohel on the side.

So I almost went out with this woman who was a tattoo artist

Sometimes drivers will get mad at me for biking on the road even if I have a bike lane. I think they just don'

Tinder is like a wishing well for dating. I toss a compliment and a swipe like I drop a coin into a fountain.

It's the exception to the rule: smoking weed is taking the thing you love and killing it with fire

The audience could follow me on instagram

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXWNttrgoNX/

So I don’t respect anybody who plays fantasy football

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWyHOrUjhaX/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUt8MvrlNkI/

You think mohels followed their dreams?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVxjNyugX5L/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUbwD6kDVlt/

You can take a lift over to Tijuana and buy any sort of boner pill, in any quality or quantity at any pharmacy

They say actions matter more than intentions, but that's the wrong point to make! You can fuck things up by do

Yeah the elephant in the room: I'm tall.

I am an anxious optimist.

Frats get a bad rep. And that's because they are kind of bad.

Sometimes I'll give a woman the ick and a I'll realize-

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUoU8wciccS/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU42r1mDSXm/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXbbvYzFXZz/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXjldFQjsD1/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWBELtVjdQU/

I never know what's gonna go viral on instagram

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUOGqilDZ-p/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT8xyWjDFjW/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVsf7tdDSY9/

Put my finger in my mouth — it's gonna seem sexual but it's really not — and explain to the crowd that I'm add

I have an idea for a pick up line. I'm not sure it'll work

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWQhpibgE6W/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVMFGffiguh/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUw3BDVEXcy/

There's this Jewish tradition where you put rocks on the your dead relative's headstone

Are you an asker or a guesser?

The townspeople like to talk about even if they haven't seen them

I don't like condoms

I don't get why "crowd pleaser" is a good movie review

Here are some excuses to look at the girl's butt

I think I might be a prude. I can only get off in missionary

if I had a cigarette for every time I quit smoking cigarettes, I'd smoke that cigarette

Not that my penis is small

I don't like condoms

I got a new smart watch

I can hear my neighbors yelling when I'm in my bathroom

I got a job in real estate accounting software

Worst part about being circumcised is walking around knowing I can't undo it

One of the hardest parts about writing a joke about having a small penis is that

What do you guys think about the relationship between spaghetti and meatballs?

I've been staying in this house by myself

I think men would be so much healthier if we cried tears equal in volume to the amount that we cum

If you see a profile on tinder for someone too good to be true, they're a bot

Wet dreams are cool because I wake up as soon as I come.

When I was in college I joined a frat

I'm allergic to cats, so when I meet a woman and I find out she has a cat,

I used to spend all day arguing with rabbis

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTl7SPJD00G/

So I grew up in this somewhat Jewish family — which means I had to learn a lot about dating on the go. And on

It's weird that people make fun of women for being sluts

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVYDxePiaC4/

I have an opinion about people's opinions on abortion.

At the top of the show, I'm usually very nervous and I was thinking if one of you wants to help me not be so n

I have a foot kink

These women in relationships with gay guys.

When men get together, they'd rather build a trebuchet than talk

A lot of us are upset that our taxpayer dollars go to the military industrial complex but without it we wouldn

I believe in aliens but am I the only one that thinks they've ding-dong ditched us?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUTEzS9D2sC/

I've been finding made in China tags on everything I own. Sometimes I get nervous that I'm just gonna find a m

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVU5e_ljsr8/

As a kid I didn't want people meeting my parents because I was embarrassed by them. As an adult I love when pe

A friend of mine is a comic who said that I need more of an edge

I matched with a woman

I'm afraid of the L train because sometimes it gets stuck with another train in front of it and I'm afraid I'm

a friend of a friend can't cum because of anti-depressants and to make girls feel better

Super

I like boobs as much as I liked dragons when I was 10 years old

People keep accusing me of using chatGPT to send them messages. But really I'm just very thoughtful in the way

I'm not one to kiss and tell

I know what I'm dressing up as this Halloween

Losing all charisma and saying you're a virgin and you wanna have sex — that's what I call a virgin hail Mary

Parents have not seen their 5 year old in months.

Is there anybody in the audience who does not like vaccines — like you're concerned about the way they're regu

If you ask a woman if she's faked an orgasm, the answer is probably yes

Growing up, I went to an all-boys Jewish private school, and for almost nine years, I was completely separated

Have been thinking about soaking my own ass, but one of the only things that’s stopping me is that we had such

My toxic trait is that I go out with girls who have cats even though I'm super allergic.

I think we smoke weed too much but we should call it the argument solver and only use it when you fix an argum

A lot of guys don't call their mom enough.

Do you think if you tell people that you're on your way to therapy, they'll be mean to you because you're in t

Have you heard that sometimes if you're an asshole to them bartenders will spit in your drink

It's crazy that being white comes with privilege. Like somewhere along the line, the narrative became somethin

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTxoEfcDMWt/

You can say you're from the future because I won't believe you — you can sleep with anybody, but you can't sle

Thank god for autocorrect or I would never be able to spell acquaintance.

I have a clown friend who dated a supermodel

The reverse strip tease

I don't like going to the dentist for the same reason I don't like eating on first dates

When you learn to backflip everyone assumes you want to do it all the time. And that's frustrating.

Every guy notices when a girl has nipple piercings, and I'm sure they know that men are staring at their tits

I hope the sex robots look like those coco delivery robots

I've heard that women have less orgasms than men

If you watch porn you're a cuck

The story of how I lost my virginity is mostly exposition.

Being raised by immigrants is hard but being raised by people raised by immigrants is pretty messed up too

Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to be single for a long time because I have unrealistic expectations.

It's weird because a lot of people who work there went through the programs.

My friend told me I should write about the iron dome

I want to be a rabbi or a pastor just so I can have hot sex that I have to hide from god

I matched with a trans woman on hinge

I want to work hard so I can become the type of man who deserves to marry a woman he doesn't deserve

if something isn't funny, can you please fake it?

I'd date a comic but my penis doesn't work right now and I don't need everyone to know that

I had to quit smoking weed

I'll call my therapist crying about something

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWvwig2ijgL/

The truth will not set you free