My Notes@DFORDAVEY

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58 notes across 25 topics

premise14bits10sex9one-liner8jewish7concept6relationships6adhd3health3religion3loose-premise2self-deprecation2ai1bars1bicycle1classic1family1index1israel1longform1masculinity1proven1rough1stage-ready1story1

#premise

14 notes
01
1% betterjoke

#premise > If you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you'll end up thirty-seven times better by the time…

02
Biking horse lanejoke

raw dictated

Sometimes drivers will get mad at me for biking on the road even if I have a bike lane. I think they just don't wanna…

2
03
Cosby time traveljoke

raw dictated

I could travel back in time to see Bill Cosby while he was still on TV playing Dr. Huxtable And I would tell him to…

3
04
Crowd pleaserjoke

tried

I don't get why "crowd pleaser" is a good movie review Slutty if you ask me "We pleased the whole crowd. The front of…

2
05
Deserve to marryjoke

raw

I want to work hard so I can become the type of man who deserves to marry a woman he doesn't deserve Related - Better…

3
06
Finger licking goodjoke

tried

I think if somebody licks their fingers at the table, you gotta lick your fingers too path a: You gotta lick his…

07
My dad used to hit mejoke

I don't like condoms But I like looking at them because they are the tool of an optimist. If you carry around a condom,…

08
Parents call while touching yourselfjoke

tried

Instagram transcript (Day 93) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXRM7k8iFC1/ Uh you guys ever like masturbate in the…

2
09
Stepmom pornographyjoke

tried

In sixth grade my friend was talking about pornography — and he used the word "pornography" because to an 11-year-old…

5
10
Uber quiet modejoke

raw dictated

A while ago Uber added this feature where you can put your preference that you don't wanna talk to the driver. That was…

3
11
You're the manjoke

tried

Men love being called the man No man wouldn't mind if you called him the man He might mind it if you called him "a man"…

3
12
condoms as a symbol of hopejoke

I don't like condoms But I like looking at them because they are the tool of an optimist. If you carry around a condom,…

13
dirty talk for the homiesjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 37) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU8gi2giAqf/ I like dirty talk in bed. Uh mostly because I…

14
pretending to be bisexual so I can get a job at a company that likes DEIjoke

I've been thinking about pretending to be bisexual to get a job at a pro DEI corporation. I've been thinking anbout…

#bits

10 notes
01
City-Lifebit

City Life — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by Riding your bike in LA…

1
02
Dating-Apps-Being-Singlebit

Dating Apps & Being Single — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by I don't…

1
03
Health-Bodybit

Health & Body — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by I recently learned…

1
04
Jewish-Schoolbit

Jewish School — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by I love old Jewish…

1
05
Meta-Comedybit

Meta-Comedy — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by I myself made comedian…

1
06
Misc-Absurdistbit

Misc & Absurdist — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by An apple a day…

1
07
Physical-Comedy-Circusbit

Physical Comedy & Circus — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by So a lot…

1
08
Politics-Culturebit

Politics & Culture — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by The fall of the…

1
09
Relationshipsbit

Relationships — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by I'm not on speaking…

1
10
Sex-Datingbit

Sex & Dating — Raw Bits > Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by I recently learned…

1

#sex

9 notes
01
Bartender spitjoke

potluck tested

Have you heard that sometimes if you're an asshole to them bartenders will spit in your drink Well if you're nice…

3
02
Faking orgasmsjoke

My ex girlfriend told me she faked all her orgasms, but they were real to me Was she good at faking them Or did I just…

1
03
Jewish would never pay for sexjoke

potluck tested

I'm Jewish so I would never pay for sex I would beg Stage notes - Misdirect on the "cheap" stereotype, pivot to…

2
04
Ryan gosling & ana de armasjoke

There are 2 types of men Men who appreciate ryan gosling and ryan gosling scratch that: 1 kind of man -- I’m not gay…

05
She Comes Firstjoke

stage ready

Instagram transcript (Day 16) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUG3hogjK7X/ I went to an all-boys Jewish private school…

11
06
Takes me a while to cumjoke

potluck tested

It takes me a while to cum I sure hope I can do it before the end of this set Stage notes - Plant early in set, payoff…

6
07
Virginity is like a foreskinjoke

potluck tested

Instagram transcript (Day 92) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXOgtHNlKc4/ Virginity is a lot like a foreskin. If a…

3
08
Women with catsjoke

developing

Premise Allergic to cats. When a woman has a cat, have to decide if she's worth giving up air. This spirals into…

3
09
dick measuringjoke

raw

#one-liner

8 notes
01
Dr strangejoke

I recently found out that Doctor Strange isn’t a gynecologist.

02
Manager and eating assjoke

I have a good relationship with my managers because I love kissing ass. Sorry- I meant eating ass.

03
Orgy rsvpjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 59) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV3Jui7Ej4N/ Can I tell you guys a joke? I got invited to…

1
04
age is just a numberjoke

Age is just a number Unless you’re an 1000 year old vampire. Then it’s a pretty big number

05
my penis doesn't workjoke

I'd date a comic but my penis doesn't work right now and I don't need everyone to know that

1
06
photographic memoryjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 62) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV-b1JjjMta/ Hey Kobe can I tell you a joke? Yeah. So…

07
spellcheck and autocorrectjoke

Thank god for autocorrect or I would never be able to spell acquaintance. craziest thing about that joke is I actually…

08
wet dreamsjoke

Wet dreams are cool because I wake up as soon as I come. That’s like the reverse of what happens when I come in real…

#jewish

7 notes
01
ADHD at 6 - Dean's Listjoke

stage ready

Premise Being diagnosed with ADHD at 6 makes no sense — a 6-year-old with ADHD is just a regular 6-year-old. The doctor…

2
02
Jewish mechanicjoke

potluck tested

I wanted to be a mechanic but when they found out I was Jewish they said no They didn't trust me to not snip the tip of…

5
03
Jewish private school tagjoke

potluck tested

Jewish private school Stage notes - Callback / transition line into She Comes First material - Can be used as a…

3
04
Jewish would never pay for sexjoke

potluck tested

I'm Jewish so I would never pay for sex I would beg Stage notes - Misdirect on the "cheap" stereotype, pivot to…

2
05
She Comes Firstjoke

stage ready

Instagram transcript (Day 16) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUG3hogjK7X/ I went to an all-boys Jewish private school…

11
06
Virginity is like a foreskinjoke

potluck tested

Instagram transcript (Day 92) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXOgtHNlKc4/ Virginity is a lot like a foreskin. If a…

3
07
Yeshiva vs Software Engineeringjoke

stage ready

Premise Arguing with rabbis about God → arguing with code that won't compile. Structurally identical. Mom still doesn't…

4

#concept

6 notes
01
Bike vasectomyjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 48) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVao_yjjwVV/ Been riding my bike a lot since I got back to…

1
02
Cereal monogamyjoke

I only eat one cereal for a while. Like I only ate pops for like two years in high school.. and then I ate cookie crisp…

03
Eucalyptusjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 3) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTl7SPJD00G/ I like eucalyptus everything. Uh I got…

04
Ryan gosling & ana de armasjoke

There are 2 types of men Men who appreciate ryan gosling and ryan gosling scratch that: 1 kind of man -- I’m not gay…

05
The Staten Island room jobjoke

Thursday and the Staten Island story Story premise: The time I went to Staten Island for a rimjob Tinder subs…

06
schindlers list rotten tomatoesjoke

Schindler's List only has 98% on Rotten Tomatoes How many critics decided that it was a good movie but not good enough?…

#relationships

6 notes
01
AI Dating App Therapyjoke

developing

Premise On an AI dating app. It asks "why not?" when you swipe no — which starts to border on therapy. Ends up wanting…

02
Faking orgasmsjoke

My ex girlfriend told me she faked all her orgasms, but they were real to me Was she good at faking them Or did I just…

1
03
She Comes Firstjoke

stage ready

Instagram transcript (Day 16) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUG3hogjK7X/ I went to an all-boys Jewish private school…

11
04
Women with boyfriendsjoke

developing

Premise Loves meeting women with boyfriends. No pressure, get to practice listening, get to be a third wheel, get…

4
05
Women with catsjoke

developing

Premise Allergic to cats. When a woman has a cat, have to decide if she's worth giving up air. This spirals into…

3
06
dirty talk for the homiesjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 37) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU8gi2giAqf/ I like dirty talk in bed. Uh mostly because I…

#adhd

3 notes
01
ADHD at 6 - Dean's Listjoke

stage ready

Premise Being diagnosed with ADHD at 6 makes no sense — a 6-year-old with ADHD is just a regular 6-year-old. The doctor…

2
02
ADHD is like herpesjoke

developing

Premise ADHD doesn't go away — it's like herpes. And the comparison keeps going from there. Versions v1 — raw (from…

3
03
Who bullies their drug dealerjoke

stage ready

Premise Diagnosed with ADHD at 6 → Adderall prescription → basically the school drug dealer. Who bullies their drug…

5

#health

3 notes
01
AI Dating App Therapyjoke

developing

Premise On an AI dating app. It asks "why not?" when you swipe no — which starts to border on therapy. Ends up wanting…

02
Better manjoke

Whenever I see a hot person, I wanna be a better man. But whether or not that’s a man or a woman I’m willing to do to…

1
03
Women with catsjoke

developing

Premise Allergic to cats. When a woman has a cat, have to decide if she's worth giving up air. This spirals into…

3

#religion

3 notes
01
1% betterjoke

#premise > If you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you'll end up thirty-seven times better by the time…

02
Women with boyfriendsjoke

developing

Premise Loves meeting women with boyfriends. No pressure, get to practice listening, get to be a third wheel, get…

4
03
Yeshiva vs Software Engineeringjoke

stage ready

Premise Arguing with rabbis about God → arguing with code that won't compile. Structurally identical. Mom still doesn't…

4

#loose-premise

2 notes
01
dirty talk for the homiesjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 37) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU8gi2giAqf/ I like dirty talk in bed. Uh mostly because I…

02
pretending to be bisexual so I can get a job at a company that likes DEIjoke

I've been thinking about pretending to be bisexual to get a job at a pro DEI corporation. I've been thinking anbout…

#self-deprecation

2 notes
01
Jewish would never pay for sexjoke

potluck tested

I'm Jewish so I would never pay for sex I would beg Stage notes - Misdirect on the "cheap" stereotype, pivot to…

2
02
Takes me a while to cumjoke

potluck tested

It takes me a while to cum I sure hope I can do it before the end of this set Stage notes - Plant early in set, payoff…

6

#ai

1 note
01
AI Dating App Therapyjoke

developing

Premise On an AI dating app. It asks "why not?" when you swipe no — which starts to border on therapy. Ends up wanting…

#bars

1 note
01
Bartender spitjoke

potluck tested

Have you heard that sometimes if you're an asshole to them bartenders will spit in your drink Well if you're nice…

3

#bicycle

1 note
01
Bike vasectomyjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 48) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVao_yjjwVV/ Been riding my bike a lot since I got back to…

1

#classic

1 note
01
Cereal monogamyjoke

I only eat one cereal for a while. Like I only ate pops for like two years in high school.. and then I ate cookie crisp…

#family

1 note
01
Virginity is like a foreskinjoke

potluck tested

Instagram transcript (Day 92) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXOgtHNlKc4/ Virginity is a lot like a foreskin. If a…

3

#index

1 note
01
INDEXbit

Bits Index — Claude Brain > Auto-generated index of all bit files. Extracted from Apple Notes dated files and topic…

10

#israel

1 note
01
Jewish mechanicjoke

potluck tested

I wanted to be a mechanic but when they found out I was Jewish they said no They didn't trust me to not snip the tip of…

5

#longform

1 note
01
dirty talk for the homiesjoke

Instagram transcript (Day 37) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU8gi2giAqf/ I like dirty talk in bed. Uh mostly because I…

#masculinity

1 note
01
dick measuringjoke

raw

#proven

1 note
01
fake your laughterjoke

if something isn't funny, can you please fake it? if you're not familiar faking laughter is a lot like faking an orgasm…

#rough

1 note
01
Stand up openingsjoke

So one of my favorite parts about stand-up specials is the opening. Which always seems to be like some sort of…

#stage-ready

1 note
01
Cereal monogamyjoke

I only eat one cereal for a while. Like I only ate pops for like two years in high school.. and then I ate cookie crisp…

#story

1 note
01
The Staten Island room jobjoke

Thursday and the Staten Island story Story premise: The time I went to Staten Island for a rimjob Tinder subs…