Readability

These women in relationships with gay guys.

I can maim 2 birds with one stone

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWIhEFLcN/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT5gUmPiemT/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXDy2DEg5K/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXeDWebjRga/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW3SorMFN5Q/

What do you do when you catch your friends cheating? Do you tell people you know? Believe it or not, I can kee

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVKvCJTDcAU/

I had a threesome with my best friend

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU6C6l5iFih/

The truth will not set you free

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUzNo2YADnr/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUrgUgTjJPk/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVsf7tdDSY9/

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https://www.instagram.com/reel/DULqXQXEYHt/

Here are some excuses to look at the girl's butt

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV5bBOTlC-6/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWYUkZkCSpH/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVH4KtoDN3o/

Pro tip for those of you who (whom?) work at an office:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW8hCVeEYov/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWDe8PeE9A4/

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https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVdCeWVCQbr/

I want to be a rabbi or a pastor just so I can have hot sex that I have to hide from god

A lot of guys don't call their mom enough.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWlHahciYuP/

Any Jews in here?

My neighbor came over today and he told me he lost his turtle.

My senior year of high school: I went to an all boys Jewish private school. I thought it would be a great idea

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWOEI9MEmyu/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVfrwUGlBk3/

Great place. Teaches kids about the real world. Fun games don't win prizes. If you lose; eat some pizza. You c

The perfect compliment for men:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWf2awDqHc/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVU5eljsr8/

When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror for the first time that day

When I was in college I joined a frat

Parents have not seen their 5 year old in months.

I grew up on goosebumps

They say actions matter more than intentions, but that's the wrong point to make! You can fuck things up by do

Age is just a number

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVibWQLClfr/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT3ych5AizC/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXgqmLJICwa/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWik-xCD0a3/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVMFGffiguh/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUbwD6kDVlt/

Tinder is like a wishing well for dating. I toss a compliment and a swipe like I drop a coin into a fountain.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUD-YVvCdMg/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTz0E3ga-6/

Loves meeting women with boyfriends. No pressure, get to practice listening, get to be a third wheel, get goss

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUTEzS9D2sC/

When you learn to backflip everyone assumes you want to do it all the time. And that's frustrating.

I have an idea for a pick up line. I'm not sure it'll work

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVYDxePiaC4/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVAaJPZAgyH/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUOGqilDZ-p/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXTbRdgiZ9I/

What if a 2 year old was sentient and asking adult questions while all the other two year olds were talking li

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV3Jui7Ej4N/

Are you on the apps? I'm on the apps. I love them. Chess.com, lichess, grindr

A lot of guys will brag about being able to make a woman come

I got hit when I was a kid

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUYqrVRDN4l/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV0NuMAKnE/

The NYC ferry is amazing mostly because once a day, I get to be a pirate. Did you know that every ferry has a

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU42r1mDSXm/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXJGwlGlLBA/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWLwn6gdU/

The talk with my dad was short.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXWNttrgoNX/

I tried ghosting my AI girlfriend but I couldn't.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXL13j4Eb1D/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTxoEfcDMWt/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVR1bJnkUq4/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUVoVPCEU9x/

I was separated from women for 10 years.

My toxic trait is that I go out with girls who have cats even though I'm super allergic.

Sometimes I'll give a woman the ick and a I'll realize-

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUG3hogjK7X/

Are you an asker or a guesser?

You think mohels followed their dreams?

I'd date a comic but my penis doesn't work right now and I don't need everyone to know that

So I'm Jewish (surprise) and I'm what my high school rabbis would call 'off the derech' — off the path.

If you watch porn you're a cuck

Sometimes I see a thirst trap on social media and I can't help but think classic guy things.

I've been thinking about going into the sperm industry.

I've heard that women have less orgasms than men

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUdy59ZDJ8r/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVnA04SFFE6/

I think we’re all too gay for Ryan Gosling.

Yeah the elephant in the room: I'm tall.

When I was in college, a friend asked me to do his business homework for him. I felt weird like I was being ra

ADHD doesn't go away — it's like herpes. And the comparison keeps going from there.

There is a pornstar who goes by Anne Frank

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWBELtVjdQU/

I'm really upset about this wife thing

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW-79J-CE0i/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXjldFQjsD1/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXY1HusDhIG/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU8gi2giAqf/

I think I might be a prude. I can only get off in missionary

I don't get ghosted.

Do you think if you tell people that you're on your way to therapy, they'll be mean to you because you're in t

I got a new smart watch

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV-b1JjjMta/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWs9gtSEtBV/

On an AI dating app. It asks "why not?" when you swipe no — which starts to border on therapy. Ends up wanting

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVaoyjjwVV/

Went 0-19 freshman year of wrestling. Dad watched me get pinned in 25 seconds. Two years later, got revenge on

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVp44CvAcnZ/

I'm such an optimist I purchased an Amazon condom subscription.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXbbvYzFXZz/

Wet dreams are cool because I wake up as soon as I come.

Having ADHD is great. Even if I'm distractible, my mind works in an interesting way and brings me interesting

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXRM7k8iFC1/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT8xyWjDFjW/

Portal in New York reopens but I want to see a portal from New York to LA and more portals.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUBz3j1lVv3/

It's weird because a lot of people who work there went through the programs.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to be single for a long time because I have unrealistic expectations.

It's weird that people make fun of women for being sluts

I wrestled in high school

Sometimes drivers will get mad at me for biking on the road even if I have a bike lane. I think they just don'

I wear a condom out spite for my father

Men love being called the man

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWa8EAcCWLx/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWVoGNPClUP/

I know what I'm dressing up as this Halloween

Horny resume. It's a lot like filling out a resume when you're looking for a job because you NEED one. You're

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW50kK3gt8g/

You guys ever look at someone's butt

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUoU8wciccS/

Schindler's List only has 98% on Rotten Tomatoes

I have a clown friend who dated a supermodel

Hi

You can say you're from the future because I won't believe you — you can sleep with anybody, but you can't sle

They say you should treat your body.

I had to quit smoking weed

I don't identify with most of the yelp reviews I see on the website

In Germany they will put you in prison if you draw a swastika. Well in second grade I drew a lot of them becau

It must be crazy hard to get a PhD in sexology. Just staying up all night to study sex.

I once got into an argument with my parents about abortion. I was 15 and heard the word a couple of times, and

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWdaY06DOSM/

Dating is awesome and it sucks. For women, I imagine when it rains it pours, and it's always raining. It's rai

I’m Jewish, but I can’t date Jewish women.

It's the exception to the rule: smoking weed is taking the thing you love and killing it with fire

I get so many ads for valentines day themed things. It's kind of ridiculous that if I don't want to be sad I n

I used to spend all day arguing with rabbis

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 6 makes no sense — a 6-year-old with ADHD is just a regular 6-year-old. The docto

Diagnosed with ADHD at 6 → Adderall prescription → basically the school drug dealer. Who bullies their drug de

I went out with someone

I want to get a dog, but I don't know if it's worth the risk. Like what are the odds my dog becomes an Instagr

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUi7UaFkfxz/

I recently went to the grocery and discovered Shaq gummies.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVDCe8ilJPI/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVQZgqYiXpP/

Thank god for autocorrect or I would never be able to spell acquaintance.

Blackface is a thing of the past; makeup is cool and all but why would I paint a black face when I can just us

People have been riding this chatGPT hype in 2 ways:

The townspeople like to talk about even if they haven't seen them

At the top of the show, I'm usually very nervous and I was thinking if one of you wants to help me not be so n

George started a boxing class and I think that's great… because he has a very punchable face

I've been finding made in China tags on everything I own. Sometimes I get nervous that I'm just gonna find a m

Software is sometimes like comedy. You gotta clown, and then you need to think pragmatically and edit.

I only eat one cereal for a while. Like I only ate pops for like two years in high school.. and then I ate coo

Okay, hear me out.

I don't like going to the dentist for the same reason I don't like eating on first dates

Every men in here has measured his penis, more than once

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXHAMTvCAgu/

Golden bachelor casting director reviewing the first round of candidates:

I feel like as a Jew, you've gotta mask your horniness in a willingness to procreate.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVGxxjnEUYk/

As a kid I didn't want people meeting my parents because I was embarrassed by them. As an adult I love when pe

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTtYZRSgd4V/

Hitler had a threesome with Eva Braun and a Jewish super model who knew astrophysics and was a virgin. She was

Put my finger in my mouth — it's gonna seem sexual but it's really not — and explain to the crowd that I'm add

People keep accusing me of using chatGPT to send them messages. But really I'm just very thoughtful in the way

Because he doesn't realize that you need to build an orgasm like you renovate a house

I'm never gonna own a house

If I smell I'm sorry. That's anxiety sweat. I put on deodorant, but my anxiety is stronger than the deodorant

There's this Jewish tradition where you put rocks on the your dead relative's headstone

I like to compare my sex life to the career of a French language movie star.

In sixth grade my friend was talking about pornography — and he used the word "pornography" because to an 11-y

Arguing with a rabbi is like a boss battle you know you're going to lose because it's kind of hard to argue a

It's crazy that being white comes with privilege. Like somewhere along the line, the narrative became somethin

Frats get a bad rep. And that's because they are kind of bad.

Comedian who's a mohel on the side.

My dad was mad when I got my first tattoo

Arguing with rabbis about God → arguing with code that won't compile. Structurally identical. Mom still doesn'

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW0pndBjeEJ/

A friend of mine recently started doing comedy after a breakup. I thought: this is a great origin story!

Because I'm Jewish, I got a lot of friends from high school that have the last names Epstein and Weinstein.

Not that my penis is small

You can take a lift over to Tijuana and buy any sort of boner pill, in any quality or quantity at any pharmacy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUMYyuVEUfa/

If you see a profile on tinder for someone too good to be true, they're a bot

I'm interested in true crime not because I like true crime but because it seems like true crime has a monopoly

Losing all charisma and saying you're a virgin and you wanna have sex — that's what I call a virgin hail Mary

I think we smoke weed too much but we should call it the argument solver and only use it when you fix an argum

I think if somebody licks their fingers at the table, you gotta lick your fingers too

The rabbi, 25 years old and ready to start his life teaching faith

I lost my virginity to a rabbi

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTibvfkjSdM/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVxjNyugX5L/

From the bible:

My experience with threesomes is that one type of three way is waaaay better than the other

The story of how I lost my virginity is mostly exposition.

> A bunch of stuff that either qualifies or is close to a one-liner. Compiled from 35+ source files. Source wi

My ex girlfriend told me she faked all her orgasms, but they were real to me

I have a good relationship with my managers because I love kissing ass. Sorry-

Pole dancers feel no pain. They feel nothing at all. Have you ever seen a robot themed pole act that was almos

I'm not one to kiss and tell

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUlL-GElXoA/

I feel like I have a lot to say about erectile dysfunction

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXBz6MAaNn/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVvAfBHmaTK/

- I have had so many STDS antibiotics don't work on me anymore

I matched with a trans woman on hinge

A digest of all new writing in the two weeks leading up to Netflix is a Joke. Organized by theme, with develop

A while ago Uber added this feature where you can put your preference that you don't wanna talk to the driver.

The bigger the penis the harder it is to aim

Sex Ed

What do you guys think about the relationship between spaghetti and meatballs?

I like talking about statistics but I'm almost positive that every time I say the word 'statistics', every one

The "Jew from the Future" persona is one of David's most fully realized characters. The FUTURE megafile is the

Hugh Hefner if he had a mustache:

Allergic to cats. When a woman has a cat, have to decide if she's worth giving up air. This spirals into aller

I volunteered this Christmas at skid row on 5th & San Pedro.

A friend of mine is a comic who said that I need more of an edge

Have been thinking about soaking my own ass, but one of the only things that’s stopping me is that we had such

I have a foot kink

The place the Bible says sodomy was invented.

I think men would be so much healthier if we cried tears equal in volume to the amount that we cum

- Hot nurse is rubbing jelly and an ultrasound wand on some balls

I don't get why "crowd pleaser" is a good movie review

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWTAVHeEQDO/

I have an opinion about people's opinions on abortion.

I got my first handjob in a New Jersey public park baseball field dugout

I believe in aliens but am I the only one that thinks they've ding-dong ditched us?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUgRBmdjJP2/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTu9txJDFAb/

Super

I hope the sex robots look like those coco delivery robots

Californians are everywhere which is odd considering we came out west on the 1800s.

I'll call my therapist crying about something

I'm so insecure that if you hired a cyber security company to run a penetration test

Worst part about being circumcised is walking around knowing I can't undo it

I am an anxious optimist.

I think in order to get approved for a loan, you should show them your guest bathroom

Heelies are how I communicate that I am both a good time and an accidental pregnancy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWyHOrUjhaX/

CEO of snoop's smokeless stove was fired for poor sales

I never know what's gonna go viral on instagram

I've been thinking about pretending to be bisexual to get a job at a pro DEI corporation.

I'm allergic to cats, so when I meet a woman and I find out she has a cat,

These are the most developed, most promising, and most distinctive concepts across the vault. Ranked loosely b

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years old

I don't like condoms

I saw a homeless person walking around with a sword

Aang is proof that you can backflip over your problems.

I don't like condoms

So I almost went out with this woman who was a tattoo artist

If you ask a woman if she's faked an orgasm, the answer is probably yes

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTl7SPJD00G/

I want a doctor who takes naps

So remember when I was in yeshiva — a Rabbi told me an argument in favor of waiting until marriage: if you sle

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

There are actually another 603

I could travel back in time to see Bill Cosby while he was still on TV playing Dr. Huxtable

Growing up, I went to an all-boys Jewish private school, and for almost nine years, I was completely separated

if something isn't funny, can you please fake it?

When men get together, they'd rather build a trebuchet than talk

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU1mP9glRV2/

Valentina Gomez running for Secretary of State in Missouri

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

I'm nothing like Hitler, except I also like to paint, I like hikes, and I occasionally wear my mustache for ye

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXOgtHNlKc4/

Isn't it interesting that Johnny Bravo sort of modeled today's bachelor? Jacked as fuck, rizzed to the teeth,

The audience could follow me on instagram

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTqHBQWkyj/

Clap it up if you follow girl code or guy code

Tonight I met this cute girl

I recently found out that Doctor Strange isn’t a gynecologist.

So one of my favorite parts about stand-up specials is the opening.

You can learn the intimate details about me on stage or after sex during pillow talk. Either way it's a 2 drin

My friend told me I should write about the iron dome

Neo Nazis are interesting

When I open my phone, I usually check the weather app or my chase bank app; either way, I'm either pleasantly

I have ADHD, but not like your regular ADHD.

The reverse strip tease

Murphy's Law: what can go wrong will go wrong.

David's comedy persona is built around a specific kind of insecurity: not self-pity, but self-aware absurdity.

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

Fanart used to be easily picked out or at least hard enough to do that I only found it if I was ready to scrol

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT0WvvED5lI/

I started ordering Dominos when I'm lazy and my roommate gained 5 lbs. Talk about a Domino's effect

if I had a cigarette for every time I quit smoking cigarettes, I'd smoke that cigarette

Gorilla glue then gorilla tape. What's next?

One of the hardest parts about writing a joke about having a small penis is that

I've been on this AI dating app

Have you heard that sometimes if you're an asshole to them bartenders will spit in your drink

I went to Staten Island for a rim job

I don’t trust Waymo’s

This article maps the cross-cutting obsessions, structural moves, and signature patterns that appear across th

Being raised by immigrants is hard but being raised by people raised by immigrants is pretty messed up too

Boeing employees suicide rates fly higher than the 737 max.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWvwig2ijgL/

So I grew up in this somewhat Jewish family — which means I had to learn a lot about dating on the go. And on

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

a friend of a friend can't cum because of anti-depressants and to make girls feel better

This is David's biggest differentiator as a comedian. He can juggle, do acrobatics, backflips, handstands, and

Whenever I see a hot person, I wanna be a better man.

My legs aren’t shaking because I’m nervous

Is there anybody in the audience who does not like vaccines — like you're concerned about the way they're regu

I like to count my calories

I'm Jewish and I like Israel, but I don't think it's the only option for a homeland

I love the noun "nut"

Theo Vonn had Tony Robbins on his podcast

A deeply personal category with some of the most developed, layered material. ADHD is not just a topic but a l

A significant portion of the vault (perhaps 40%+) consists of performance logistics: set maps, show runsheets,

David works in health tech (MDCalc) and has watched the AI boom from inside the industry. This gives him genui

David has a strong instinct for character work, developed through clown training, improv (Groundlings), and st

I want to work hard so I can become the type of man who deserves to marry a woman he doesn't deserve

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

There are 2 types of men

I've been single for so long my mattress has retained its resale value

ADHD acronym:

> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

Virginity is a lot like my foreskin

Jewish private school

It takes me a while to cum

Every guy notices when a girl has nipple piercings, and I'm sure they know that men are staring at their tits

I'm Jewish so

So these are a bunch of dad jokes

I can hear my neighbors yelling when I'm in my bathroom

This is one of the most developed thematic pillars in the vault. The material spans childhood, religious schoo

The largest thematic area by note count. David's comedy persona is earnest, horny, slightly chaotic, and deepl

Superhero music is inspirational, that's why I switched from lofi to Hans Zimmer as sexy time music

A distinct sub-theme that sits at the intersection of relationships and technology. David has written seriousl

A lot of us are upset that our taxpayer dollars go to the military industrial complex but without it we wouldn

In November 2013, the Splash Lab presented "Urinal Dynamics," demonstrating with high-speed experiments that r

I'm not gay but if you put Ryan Gosling in a film and play the right music, I'll seriously start questioning m

So I don’t respect anybody who plays fantasy football

Thursday and the Staten Island story

I've been staying in this house by myself

I got a job in real estate accounting software

> Auto-generated index of all bit files. Extracted from Apple Notes dated files and topic files.

Ideas for pants for Acro:

I like boobs as much as I liked dragons when I was 10 years old

I wanted to be a mechanic but when they found out I was Jewish they said no

> If you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you'll end up thirty-seven times better by the time y

In Judaism, we don’t have the concept of a born again Jew like you have born against Christians

I'm afraid of the L train because sometimes it gets stuck with another train in front of it and I'm afraid I'm

If you're trying to Netflix and chill

I matched with a woman

This knowledge base was synthesized from 2,100 Apple Notes. It maps the major themes, categories, and patterns