> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

I love old Jewish men

Because while I know they're always going to have an attitude I actually don't know what I'm going to get

Like there are some old Jewish men who are off their rocker

There is this old Jewish guy when I told him my birthday was in April. He said "oh you're an Aries.

Hitler was an Aries "

Then they are the old Jewish men who are still working

Just bossing people around in the garment district

Divorced because they cheated on their wives with seamstresses

And I think all old Jewish men are pretty smart. It would just be depends on what they've put their effort towards.

Like both of my Zadie's

Old Jewish man

Have spent their life just studying Jewish law

And like the real intricacies of Jewish law

But then you have a Jewish man who wrote for the New Yorker

Or went into niche fields like ocean maritime law

Source: Friday 9-5-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My family is from like super Jewish religious Williamsburg

And they have bars all the windows like even the high up floors

And I was thinking these windows are for two things

These these window bars are for two things

Keeping out criminals who can climb a 511

And for preventing your children from jumping out the window

And I think it's more than anything else it's the ladder.

These families, the families they have like a dozen children

So the odds of one of your kids, jumping out the window

Is actually really high

Source: Tuesday 9-9-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I went to an all boys Jewish private school

And all we would do is talk about the Middle East

And Hitler

Which should I talk about

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I went to an all boys Jewish private school growing up

Separated from women in for 10 years

It's crazy because part of what you're paying for is an environment where you're separated boys from girls

It's an adult. I realize that you don't have to pay for that.

Women want to stay away from men

Source: Tuesday 10-21-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I went to an all boys jewish private school so all my opinions

They were formed in an environment absent of women with access to unlimited penis

So these opinions come from a place of absolute desperation

A place of financial security but emotional insecurity

—> I went to an all boys jewish private school. I wish I went to a different type of school- like an all-girls jewish private school

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Being middle class at a Jewish private school is like being poor at a public school - it's just hard to be the cool kid.

Source: Wednesday 10-29-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I know a lot of parts about Judaism that I like

And then there are some parts that

I care less about the fact that we can eat

We can't keep bacon because I don't follow that rule

But there's like a bunch of other things a bunch of other laws actually 613 laws

And it is incredibly difficult to remember all of them

But like, for example, one law is that you're not supposed to be with your wife when she is in pure

Like if she's on her. You're not supposed to have sex with her.

And I don't know why we have that when I suppose it's because the person the rabbi who articulated that law they never really had the opportunity to have sex.

Source: Wednesday 10-29-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

i've been having trouble talking about my Judaism on stage

Because when I tell somebody I'm Jewish, you know worst case.

I met with antisemitism

Best case

People start to wonder if I'm going to reach

People are like oh OK. I wonder what he's gonna say.

I find it hard, but you know people who don't like Jews, laughing for the wrong reasons

Like when I went to Jewish private school growing up

We had this elective

The Jewish business ethics

Which actually wasn't really the principal

Actually wasn't optional it was actually a mandatory elective. I don't know what that means but it meant it meant it was mandatory.

And I think the people get the wrong idea about Jews and ethics

Mostly, I think that people think we don't have ethics and I probably comes from not really knowing what Jewish business ethics are

We had this elective called criminal law

And I think that again people don't like juice or thinking how appropriate you know

Juice or criminals

But it's not like we're studying Jewish criminal a lot we're studying the US Constitution

I think it's funny. We had criminal law not because you know we're Jewish but I think it's funny that a Jewish private school they were pretty much telling us not to pursue criminal law because either you're defending a bad person.

Or potentially putting a good person away.

Something you learn about Jewish law and the way we actually convict people that it's incredibly strange and it's almost more stringent than American

Source: Wednesday 10-29-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Call Rabbi

Addendum for Rabbi

To get the smallest amount and good job

Just a tip with

They try to convince you to do a mitzvah like a guy trying to convince you to do anal so it's just the tip

Do you wanna come with me?

Do you wanna come read the Torah?

Just come do a line

Come do a. Line of Torah

Do you wanna rap? Do you wanna rap?

Come rap

Do some tefillin wrapping

Every morning pray to god

Gather 10 people call it a minyan, a squad

I wrap 7 times

Recite Hebrew rhymes

Doing Shacharis now that's a feelin

Only made better when I wrap my tefillin

Yeah I'd be a cool rabbi

Source: Sunday 8-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

A circumcision is called the bris

Which means covenant

Like a deal with God

Bad deal

Did Abraham even try to haggle?

Was there any conversation on the price?

Is this why Jews always go back-and-forth when making deals

Was that the worst deal we ever made?

What if God only made that offer because he expected us to counter offer

"I would have gone for a haircut"

Source: Thursday 7-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I just don't understand why you mean like penis surgery

Like a lot of the Western world is getting circumcised anyway why can't we use something that's more specific to juice Jews

Why can't we do a ceremonial nose job?

Source: Thursday 7-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Being jewish is

Well

It's being jewish

Because there is no "I was jewish"

There is only "I am jewish"

Once you're jewish, you stay that way

It's like being a ____ - An asshole - A tzadik - A rabbi

What do rabbis do when they retire? Are they still technically rabbis

Source: Thursday 7-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Why does jew feel like a dirty word?

Like If someone calls me jewish,

I'm fine

If someone calls me a jew

I feel like they told me I'm a thing

Source: Thursday 7-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I used to not understand why someone would be a mohel - a pro circumciser

And then I realized that it's better than being an amateur circumciser

I used to think these professionals were evil

And then I relai4; how much money they make

Source: Thursday 7-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Because I'm Jewish, I got a lot of friends from high school that have the last names Epstein and Weinstein.

I feel kind of bad if that's like...

You know, like Jews changed their name when we came to America from Russia and from Germany.

I don't know. I don't know why. Because we wanted to avoid anti-Semitism.

So like Goldman became like Gold and all that stuff.

And now Jews have to change their last names again.

The Epsteins can't name their grandchildren Jeff.

And the Weinsteins can't name any of their children Harvey.

I think that name is dead.

And the Epstein-Weinsteins, because they chose to hyphenate, they can't name their children either.

What's the worst name you could possibly have?

It's Jeffrey Harvey Epstein Weinstein.

Source: Wednesday 2-12 micThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Being Jewish is weird

Because there really is only one Jewish country

Like we only come from one place

Ask Christian where they come from

There's so many options in Islam a Muslim, where they come from so many option

Jews like when you ask where they come from

They gotta tell you a whole long story about how we got here

No one Jewish family has ever really been in one place for too long

If you ask a Jew how he got here

Pull up some snaps

Some whiskey a bagel

And hide your penis, cause we're gonna circumcise it

My family has been so many places that we literally have an attic just filled with books and journals detailing everywhere we've been

Jews were in the traveling before it was cool

Except we went to a bunch of cold places

The other is it's very hard like there is only one Jewish country because

We never tried recruiting

Credit to Jesus and his apostles they were really great salesman

There are a lot of Christian countries

But Jews were like you don't want any of this you don't want any of this

Oh, you want to have to to remember fast days

You wanna stay in synagogue all day sniffing on salt because you're so hungry and you're tired and the only way to stay if synagogue gets to literally sniff ammonia?

And I think honestly, the reason that we couldn't recruit because you a part of being Jewish is being circumcised

And if Jews, we had this reputation of like trying to convert you like the Christians and the Muslims throughout history

You just be sitting across the table being like man I hope they don't. They don't try to convince me to get circumcised.

All you need to be a Christian is to be baptized

Should've done something like that

Source: Tuesday 11-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Hip hop from the Jewish ghetto would have been fire

I was born in a shtettle

The Jewish ghetto Born to tear my mettle

A rich history of latkes and spaghetti

Hip hop didn't exist in the shtetle

And I think it would have gone hard

Source: Tuesday 11-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Hyper Orthodox Jews will learn everything they need to know about sex an hour before the wedding

A rabbi will explain it

And they won't even get the full hour

I like to imagine it's like this:

"The hole in the sheet thing is a myth.

Touch his penis. No longer than 5 seconds.

You'll know what to do next.

Good luck, good bye, and

Don't pull out!"

Source: Tuesday 12-9-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

There's this myth that Jews have sex through a hole in the sheet.

False. It's a hole in the wall.

It's a gloryhole

But the glory is for god.

—> so jewish tradition says sex is a holy act, like anointing kings with oil, tzedakah, giving charity, something women already do for their husbands by having sex with them

Source: Sunday 1-18-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

As a Jew we learn that god is

Omniscient - he knows all Omnipotent - all powerful Omnipresent - he everywhere

So god is always watching And that's helpful I think

It keeps us accountable

Every time I have sex I think

"God is watching"

"I better do a good job"

Source: Sunday 11-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Ashkenazi circumcision

We do that in the morning with bagels and marks

Sephardic circumcisions

They do it by lunch

With a full meat buffet

First they do the bris

Then they do the brisket

Source: Saturday 10-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My zeidy is a rabbi who started a synagogue immediately next door to another synagogue

Yep my grandpa got into a turf war with Jews I mean he was Jewish too

But I think the toughest part of being in a Jewish turf war in Williamsburg is everyone looks the same

How am I supposed to pick a side when my wish has the same outfit and beard as the neighbor¿

—> I actually don't get how satmir jews differ in opinions so much if you're gonna disagree enough with your neighbors to start your own minyan, why not wear something new?

Source: Tuesday 2-3-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Tonight is Purim which is the Jewish holiday where we celebrate not dying in Persia

Lots of details to this story but given that we at war with Iran, not worth explaining

No one likes it when you try to mansplain war to them

Let alone Jewsplain

Jewsplaining is when you explain something to someone in a non-condescending way but it worse because you feel guilty if you don't listen because it's your family's rabbi and he's the wisest person your parents know. He earnestly wants to help you

Source: Monday 3-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

So yeah, in sex ed when I was younger, we learned how to put a condom on on a banana line but you know I'm a Gen Z and just like the rest of Jen my penis doesn't work.

Because my penis is Gen Z and you know Jen just doesn't wanna work. Nobody wants to work anymore.

—> Gen Z can't get hard and I think that means we should update sex ed. Get people real good at doing everything but. Teach them how to put condoms ok but using wild bananas or overly ripe, soft bananas

Source: Monday 3-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I spent long days arguing with everybody, my rabbis, my peers, my parents… So I'm disagreeable.

I'm about as disagreeable as they come. A rabbi in the body of a nice jewish boy who works in tech- Wait that came out wrong

Source: I went to Jewish private schoolThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Growing up, I went to an all-boys Jewish private school, and for almost nine years, I was completely separated from girls. By the time I graduated, I was genuinely scared I was missing something important. I was embarrassed by how I felt around women, nervous I'd never have the confidence to talk to them, and worried that I'd miss out on one of the best parts of life—a loving relationship.

As an adult, I still feel like I'm missing out, but now I know it's not because I'm missing something, it's because I'm too much

Source: The all boys jewish private school schoolThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I feel like as a Jew, you've gotta mask your horniness in a willingness to procreate.

I'm not just horny, I'm here to fix the Jewish population problem; which is to say there aren't enough of us!

I'm not horny, I'm just trying meet my weekly quota

It's literally written in Old Testament that you gotta give your wife the business every Friday night

I feel bad for the Jews that couldn't read between the lines. You can have sex before marriage. God just doesn't like it

Source: Jewish attitudes on sexThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Someone recently drove their car into chabad headquarters in crown heights

Also, known as 770, the chabad headquarters is also known as the "headquarters of the jews" which kind of gives the vibe that it's a place that jews plot what the weather will be tomorrow. But the truth is if you get that many jews in the same room, they're usually arguing, drinking, and eating a very salty spread.

But to resolve to take on jewish headquarters. I'm kind of impressed.

I'm especially impressed that he went inside and scoped out synagogues on several occasions.

About 2 weeks before he drove his Honda civic (a very reliable car) into the building, we went to 770 and they invited him and danced with him.

Imagine dancing with a group of people and that not being enough to convince you not to attack them. I've never danced with someone and been like "I hate you." Because I dance and hate myself

And when he did the attack, he actually moved the barricades and shoveled some snow to make space for the car.

Then he drove straight through into the building. He koolaid manned the jewish headquarters

And when the cops came- he was like: my foot slipped. Great excuse, because if that was true, I would feel SO bad for you, because your insurance is still going up.

Source: Wednesday 2-25-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I'm a Zionist, but I am in love with Israel

And before you judge me, have you ever seen a photo of Theodore Hertzel the man who wrote the original paper on Zionism?

That man has an excellent beard

So you know feels like he's the authority on this type of stuff and I know you might be thinking oh if you're going based on beard, why wouldn't you just decide with Palestinian cause they have lots of great beards

And to that that I say

Good point

I changed my mind

I changed my mind a lot about what's going on over there

There's so many details so many things to read so many terrible videos to watch

Sometimes I change my mind just because I don't want to read

Source: Thursday 2-19-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Jews have through this centuries long diaspora

Traveling the world from city to city

We were into traveling well before the influencers were

It's tough being a digital nomad because it just feels so Jewish?

Source: Tuesday 2-24-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

It's always the Jews did 911. It's never the Jews did a great job. Just once I'd like to hear: "the Jews did a great job with 9/11"

Source: Thursday 1-1-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't mind jews. There could be one in the room and I wouldn't even know. I hang out with them without extreme caution.

Source: Friday 12-26-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.