> Master wiki of one-liner jokes from Apple Notes. Compiled from 35+ source files.

- Performing: Jump straight to Tier 1 for a quick hit list. Tier 2 needs a word or two fixed before stage. - Writing sessions: Browse By Topic to find what fits the set you're building. - Developing: Tier 3 has raw material — these are seeds that want to grow. - Source wikilinks are in brackets after each joke so you can find context.

Clean, punchy, performance-ready.

1. I went to a Jewish private school. It was an all boys school. I have a fear of god but a bigger fear of women. God can't withhold sex. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

2. A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. Those were my parents. My mom was a reformed rabbi and my dad was a very open-minded priest. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

3. I feel like trying to make a comedian laugh is a lot like trying to bring a prostitute to orgasm. "No no. I'm supposed to get you there." The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

4. I feel like when I have to buy Plan B, it's really only because Plan A worked earlier. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

5. I recently went to the grocery and discovered Shaq gummies. Now, just like so many women in the 80s, you too could have a little bit of Shaq in your mouth. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / File Friday 1-17-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

6. I got a happy ending at this Asian place. Then I found out they also had noodles. So I got a happier ending. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Fight Friday 12-13-24This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

7. Are you on the apps? I'm on the apps. I love them. Chess.com, Lichess, Grindr. Not the dating apps — I'm afraid of women. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Jokes map SaturdayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

8. At least on Chess.com, I can improve my Elo score without deleting the app. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

9. If you know about the Elo system in chess, you're doing okay. If you know about the Elo rating on Hinge, you are not. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

10. Piers Morgan has a show on X called "Piers Morgan Uncensored." Feels like a wasted opportunity. What a great handle for his OnlyFans account. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

11. IDK about you but when a woman responds to my Instagram DM, I'm ready to pay alimony. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

12. I'm bad at small talk. "Man, sex traffic these days… crazy… right?" Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

13. I'm excited for WW3. World War 2 was pretty bad, but we got a lot of great movies out of it. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

14. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6. It doesn't go away. It's like herpes. It's also like herpes in that people look at you weird — but unlike herpes, people look at you weird before they find out. Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

15. Who bullies their drug dealer? (re: being bullied despite having an Adderall prescription) Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

16. Nature vs nurture? More like nature and nurture vs me. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

17. Women like surprises. That's why I wait as long as I can to tell them I'm bipolar. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

18. It takes 10 years on average to diagnose bipolar. For context, that's about how long it took us to find Bin Laden. So it kind of feels like I've just been hiding Bin Laden this entire time. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

19. My therapist is Seal Team 6. Just leaving the room: "We got him, boys." BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

20. I'm tired of calling people antisemites. They don't care when you call them that. It just rolls off their backs. So I've decided to start calling them something different: "Jews." Oh, you don't like Jewish people? What are you, Jewish? Jewish mega fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

21. I went to a Jewish private school. The curriculum at Jewish private school is arguing with rabbis. If you want to find someone who has argued with a rabbi, look for a man with a beard. He's either argued with a rabbi, or he is a rabbi. Jewish Private school & rabbinical schoolThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

22. I think it's weird that men think the friend zone isn't a good spot. It rhymes with end zone. That's a touchdown. Friendship is a huge score. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

23. I don't understand why men think the friend zone isn't a good spot. It rhymes with end zone. That's a touchdown. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

24. I treat dating apps like cigarettes. I quit once a quarter. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

25. An addiction to swiping on the apps is actually an addiction to hope. So when I relapse, I'm really relapsing on optimism. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

26. I like to compare my sex life to the career of a French language movie star. Not super big in America, but huge overseas. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

27. Gorilla Glue, then Gorilla Tape. What's next? Gorilla couples counseling? For the toughest marriages on planet earth. Some jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

28. I think it's weird that men like to take credit for women's orgasms when she could have gotten off with the corner of a couch. Some jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

29. Being straight is boring. The journey to finding out you're straight can be very exciting though. I don't mean to brag, but I've kissed more girls than I have guys. And I've kissed a lot of guys. Some jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

30. As a kid I didn't want people meeting my parents because I was embarrassed by them. As an adult I love when people meet my parents — it's a great explanation for why I am the way I am. Some jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

31. Counting calories doesn't help you lose weight just because you count. What it does do is explain why you're gaining weight. It's like counting money: now I know why I'm poor. File Friday 9-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

32. My spirit animal is an elderly Jewish rabbi who quit smoking 20 years ago but still keeps a single cigarette in his mouth without ever lighting it. Ferocious Friday 4-19This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

33. I've been seeing ads for "invite only" singles events. But the fact that I'm seeing an ad makes me think it's the other kind of invite only: "invite yourself." Ferocious Friday 4-19This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

34. I'm such a romantic that I snooze my alarm just to keep going out with the girl of my dreams. I know it's not real, but what we have IS real. Flow FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

35. I could never have sex with a prostitute because I'm a selfless lover. I'd be paying for the hour to make her cum. Flow FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

36. I like <3 over the emoji because I like the idea of you looking sideways at your phone and being like "aww." One liners 2026This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

37. I'm a real Hollywood stuntman. I rawdog danger. Stuntman one linersThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

38. My body is a weapon and my body is also the thing you use the weapon on. My back hurts. Stuntman one linersThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

39. Bro, I'd suck a dick for that extra five minutes of sleep. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

40. I don't understand why men think the friend zone isn't a good spot. It rhymes with end zone. That's a touchdown. Friendship is a huge score. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

41. I like my pickles circumcised. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

42. My mom is the nicest person I know and my dad is the most stubborn. So when we go out, I am really good at picking up the bill. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

43. It's not fair that when women get really fit, they look like Greek goddesses, but when men get really fit, we just look like really attractive rapists. Foul Friday 1-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

44. There are men who have ruined the image of all men for women. But no women have ruined the image of all women for men. A woman could eat a man alive, be plastered all over the news, and we'd still be like "she's thick — must be all that protein." Foul Friday 1-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

45. I told some Hitler jokes on a first date. I'm sure there won't be a second date, but at least I get the Third Reich. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Ferocious Friday 4-19This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

46. I hope we never have another terrorist attack, but if we do, please don't let it happen before the 12th of a month. 9/11, 10/7 are bad, but if I can't make a wish on 11:11… File Friday 9-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

47. I tried ghosting my AI girlfriend but I couldn't. There's nowhere to run from a vengeful AI girlfriend. AI girlfriendThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

48. Having sex retroactively makes you a cool person for your entire life. And conversely, having a dry streak means you were always a loser. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

49. The metaphysics of a one night stand are as such: any hoodie not accounted for has been lost to the ether. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

50. You can learn the intimate details about me on stage or after sex during pillow talk. Either way it's a 2-drink minimum. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

51. Prolonged eye contact with a stranger on the sidewalk, or as I like to call it: sidewalk sex. Because it is a super intimate moment. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / acorns 2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

52. A friend of mine got engaged recently but when I sent him the congratulation text, my phone autocorrected it to "congratulations on getting ensnared!" And I let it send because I didn't really see a difference. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / acorns 2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

53. Putting your kids on a leash is a lot like putting your ice cream in a fridge. It doesn't solve the problem; it only prolongs it. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / acorns 2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

54. Ketchup worth complaining about — I call it kvetchup. 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

55. I went out with a girl from CAA and she ghosted me. I can't wait for her boss to hire me. 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

56. Making babies sounds like a skill, but the better you are at making them the worse they probably come out. Foo foo Friday 3-29This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

57. The first threesome was probably supposed to be an orgy but only 2 people showed up. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Jokes map SaturdayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

58. I would never pay for sex. But I would beg. Ha! That's a joke by the way. I would totally pay. If I had the money. Fill Friday 4-4-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

59. I have so much chest hair I can't hide it if I tried. I could be wearing a turtleneck and it would still pop in to say hello — like a teacher checking on detention. Fill Friday 12-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

60. Awkward silences don't make me uncomfortable. I was conceived in an awkward silence. Fill Friday 12-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

61. Sometimes I wish I could save all my unused boners. I would be rich in boners. Boners do not roll over. They are not like 401k contributions. They do not roll over into your IRA. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

62. Parkinson's James Bond: "You can stir it. I'll shake it." (Sean Connery voice) Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

63. Whenever I see a Cybertruck, I think of Lara Croft from the original Tomb Raider. I can't look at a Cybertruck without remembering my first hard-on. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

64. Why is it called toilet paper and not clean-up paper? It doesn't look like a toilet, and sometimes we use it in the woods where there are no toilets. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

65. If objects have consciousness, then toilet plungers have shitty lives. That being said, I know toilet plungers that are more useful than some people. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

66. Running out of toilet paper is God's way of saying you fucked up. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

67. My roommate refuses to use the shoe horn I put by our door, which is crazy because he has big feet, and you know what they say about people with big feet… they know how to put on shoes. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

68. I'm convinced every furniture store is owned by the mob. Really detail-oriented gangsters who like interior design. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

69. If God created the earth, and he's a real artist, he probably hated it the entire time he did it. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

70. I once tried to be gay. Well, I think I was successful if we're getting technical. But I decided I was just a little more interested in a dating life full of rejection. Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

71. I've only been in love twice: once with a woman I met during the pandemic, and the other time with Ryan Gosling in a trailer for The Fall Guy. Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

72. "Who's your favorite parent" is a violent question to ask in front of a single father. Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

73. I went on a first date recently and I asked if I could kiss her. We did, but she ghosted me. In retrospect, it's probably because after the kiss I said "hamana hamana. I could do that again." Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

74. Smelling toast because you're having a stroke sucks, but not as much as having a stroke when you're hungry and finding out the toast isn't done yet. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

75. In the future, global warming is real bad. But on the bright side, an impending sense of doom means everyone is more likely to put out. Fracking Friday 4-5This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Great core; a word or two away from performance-ready.

1. I read this book about how to make a woman cum. That answers THAT question — I prefer the book to the movie. (punchline needs sharpening) The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

2. I think we should get in the habit of showing people our online dating profiles in person. "Here's how attractive I believe I am." The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

3. This is my impression of a cop's wife role playing: "All right officer, turn in your badge and your gun… and the rest of your clothing. But keep the body cam on." The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

4. I'm a romantic guy but I'm also progressive. Like I'll see a woman, go up to her and say "You are beautiful. We should go on a date, and I WILL take no for an answer." The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

5. A comedian trying to make another comedian laugh feels like 2 sex workers trying to one-up each other. "Bet you haven't seen this one before." The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

6. A comedian trying to make his parents laugh feels like it's Thanksgiving and someone just mentioned politics. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

7. I think it's weird that women call men brunettes. It's not brunette. It's brunet. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

8. Dating apps were created by people who went on bad dates. New dating apps were created after people didn't go on bad dates. Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

9. Dating apps are an invention. Like the electric toothbrush was an invention. It's still a toothbrush. It just works faster. Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

10. I'm scared that when I tell people I have bipolar, they'll just respond "Makes sense." Or worse — "Totally makes sense." Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

11. Why is it that women make 70 cents on a man's dollar when women make more sense than men? Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

12. I'm a socially awkward person. Like an illiterate interior designer — I can't read the room. Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

13. Like a nerd trying to get laid in college — I don't give 'em the dick, I give people the ick. Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

14. Convincing someone to get married to me with this bipolar diagnosis feels like selling a house that is 100% haunted. "Beautiful home, old strong bones, great architecture — but yes, it was built on top of a Native American burial ground." BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

15. I want to get married and I have bipolar. I have to be as awesome as I am bipolar. So I read a book on how to make a woman cum. I don't go down on a woman to make her cum — I do it to compensate for mental illness. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

16. I got a lot of guy friends. I got a lot of girl friends. I have zero girlfriends. Girl code vs guy codeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

17. Girls are like "call me when you get home." Guys are like "you better not come home." Girl code vs guy codeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

18. Girls before a date assemble a full dossier on a guy. There's one who has his Instagram, another who called his mom, and for some reason one girl has his Social Security number. Girl code vs guy codeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

19. I appreciate it more when a woman tells me she appreciates my personality than when she hits on me. Everyone can see my ass. Not everyone can see that I am so awesome underneath. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

20. It's hard to believe when you hear about a man you know beating his wife. Unless we're talking Mario Kart. In that case, she had it coming. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

21. My horniest day ever is Nick Cannon's Tuesday night. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

22. The nyc ferry is amazing mostly because once a day, I get to be a pirate. Most ferry captains are pretty New York City — think an MTA employee but with an eyepatch and a peg leg. Nyc ferryThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

23. Have you ever met someone and just hated them immediately? But then you learn they're just so similar to you, and that's what you hate. Nyc ferryThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

24. I like to use one-way street signs to tell me how to live my life, but I remember: that's just one way to live. 10 more funny acornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

25. Isn't it weird that glass is hard but fragile and ass is soft but sturdy? That's why I drink out of ass — because I'm a klutz. 10 more funny acornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

26. Juggling is more than a great hobby. It's also great birth control. 10 more funny acornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

27. When did we decide as a nation that we wanted our water bottle to double as a weapon? These Stanley cups are invincible. 10 more funny acornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

28. I think people are okay with the idea of living forever until they realize they will outlive their loved ones. Or worse, their loved ones will also live forever. 10 more funny acornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

29. I traded my cigarette addiction for a Japanese crime drama addiction, which is pretty much the same thing when you think about it. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

30. The la metro is like the tricycle of public transportation — stable in theory but slow as fuck in practice. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

31. I'd rather ride a camel than the LA metro because a camel can conserve water whereas the LA metro is afraid of the west side. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

32. In California, people drive on autopilot — phone in hand. In New York, drivers are LOCKED IN. Both hands on the horn or 2 middle fingers in the air. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

33. I can see everything you do in your car. I can see you pick your nose. I can see you FaceTime your abuela. I'm on a bike — I don't have to keep my eyes on the road. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

34. Sasha Baron Cohen is getting divorced, and Chance the Rapper also got divorced recently. It can't be a coincidence — you know what that means: the greatest rap collab of all time. Or a new Borat movie. Fracking Friday 4-5This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

35. Some people are only familiar with Darude Sandstorm as that TikTok song that goes du du du du. Fracking Friday 4-5This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

36. I think I'm an adult now because sex is a weekend activity. And somehow, my weekend is already full of everything else. Fight Friday 12-13-24This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

37. Waymo cars are freaky. It's scary to see a car with no one driving. But it's easier to swallow that sight than seeing someone driving with their phone in their hand, or someone making a K-turn while putting on makeup. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

38. Those few minutes between hitting the "brew" button on the Keurig, and having my coffee, is the moment I consider moving to a bungalow in Peru and leaving everything behind. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

39. I'm so addicted to caffeine I have a thing for Italian Colombian Ethiopian Peruvians with a strong connection to the land and an espresso machine. Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

40. Being an adult is essentially texting your best friends, co-workers, and former co-workers "sorry for the late response." Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

41. I think if I ran a brothel, I'd call it the sex clinic, and we'd have a waiting room with books about sex. Little pamphlets that teach you about rimjobs. "Rimjobs and You." Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

42. I read this book on how to make people laugh, and much like the book I read about pleasuring a woman, I have to pay for the opportunity. Fill Friday 1-23-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

43. Jewish people got the old book — which is actually 5 books with a bunch of rules — and then we wrote a bunch more books explaining the rules. The Christians have the same books we do but I think they added wicked cool Jesus fan fiction. "What if there was a Jew who could walk on water, had long beautiful hair, and hung out with hella prostitutes?" Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

44. Men have 2 modes: self-improvement, and "to be or not to be." Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

45. Condoms: so kids are barely there. Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

46. I have performance anxiety. I don't have trouble getting it up. I just have trouble keeping it up. "It" is the good job. Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

47. Keagle is such a fancy name for what it is. It's a prostate plank. It's an exercise for the muscle beneath your taint. Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

48. I hate sweatpants on me for the same reason I love them on women — wearing sweatpants, you just can't hide the size of your ass. Fool Friday 3-7-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

49. What if instead of grounding our children, we canceled them? Fight Friday 12-13-24This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

50. Post nut clarity is: I want to take a nap and I don't have to tell anyone to leave. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

51. I buy so many books. It's just so fun imagining what it would be like to be book smarter. I wish we could wear books like clothing — put it on your head and bam! You now have "The Courage to Be Disliked." Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Half-formed but worth finishing.

1. "You dropped your crown, king" — that's a Gen Z kid after bumping into Stephen King, handing him back his hat that fell. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

2. Putin knows how to pull out of Ukraine. He just doesn't want to. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

3. Being raised by immigrants is hard, but being raised by people raised by immigrants is pretty messed up too. The trauma just waterfalls down to the grandchildren. 2nd generation immigrant traumaThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

4. I want to be a rabbi or a pastor just so I can have hot sex that I have to hide from God. AffairsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

5. A nerdy Jewish kid with ADHD is a lot like a nun who is also an incel. Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

6. An 18-year-old with ADHD is literally a drug dealer. Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

7. ADHD is like a GPS that only leads you to girls who do performance arts like improv or jazz dance. Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

8. Boeing employees' suicide rates fly higher than the 737 Max. 10 funny ish conceptsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

9. A sun dial feeling increasingly frustrated with daylight savings time. 10 funny ish conceptsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

10. Assassin forgets to spring forward and oversleeps, missing a job interview for a more honest living. 10 funny ish conceptsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

11. The first threesome had 10 RSVPs on Partiful. "Swear we had 10 RSVPs." Fool Friday 2-28This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

12. Greek pirates were also philosophers — they questioned the meaning of arrrr-xistence. Drink new jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

13. We're all pirates in this day and age. We pirate music, movies, TV shows, and porn. Drink new jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

14. I may be a pirate with no depth perception, but I can get deep. I'm very in touch with my feelings. Except those in my leg. I lost those a while ago. Drink new jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

15. I use eucalyptus oil, soap, and shampoo because I like the idea of running into a koala and confusing them. To them, I'll look like a person but smell like a giant eucalyptus leaf. Or to a human, like a giant menthol cigarette. New jokes 2026This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

16. As a comedian I love one-liners. Of cocaine. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

17. I don't have a serious bone in my body. Which means if we have sex, it's gonna be silly. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

18. As an insecure man, buying hot house cucumbers at the store does not make me feel better about myself. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

19. I think the last time I felt sexist was when Apple gave me the option to make Siri a man and I did that. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

20. Schrodinger's cool cat: both a cool cat and not until they receive external validation. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

21. Someone should create a leash for absentee fathers. acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

22. It's crazy that comedians sacrifice sleep to do comedy because we already have brain budgets at a deficit. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

23. The Onlyfans innovator creates an optimal dick-rating AI. The AI becomes sentient and goes the Skynet route. Fff Friday 10-11This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

24. Isn't it odd that the only way to heaven is by the stairs but we have an elevator that goes to hell? It's called Vegas. 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

25. I hold grudges against audience members. "How could you not fucking laugh at this joke?" 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

26. Needy ex-boyfriend tries canceling Spectrum internet and finally understands where he went wrong. 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

27. For someone who only gets laid some of the time, I sure have a lot of opinions on sex. You should only be able to have an opinion on sex if you've done it 100 times at least. SexThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

28. I have an alien girlfriend. She has an alien boyfriend; I'm not a US citizen. Trump's deporting her but doesn't know to which planet. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

29. Oh no. I think just now, in this very moment, I learned how to read a room. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

30. I once had a girl over and we were kissing, but my chihuahua was there. Chihuahuas shake as a rule of thumb; it turns out they shake way more when they have an orgasm. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

31. Do you think zombies have crazy six-pack abs and super cardiovascular health because they're always running? Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

32. The coolest thing about zeroes and ones is that if you have enough of them, you can make a picture of boobs. Fill Friday 1-10This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

33. I think telling people you download porn is a bad idea. We're totally fine when a woman watches The Office for the 500th time. I can't watch porn twice. Fill Friday 1-10This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

34. I stored 100 hours of high-def porn instead of twice the information held in the Library of Alexandria. Fill Friday 1-10This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

35. A homeless vampire is the nicest, most charismatic vampire. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

36. Boy steps on crack, breaks momma's back; becomes a civil engineer. Never again. Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

37. I took a time lapse of a chess game I played with a girl at singles club and it was incredibly flirty until the Israel/Palestine conflict casually came up in conversation. And then it got flirtier. Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

- A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar — those were my parents. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I went to a Jewish private school. Fear of God, bigger fear of women. God can't withhold sex. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - All boys Jewish school — curriculum was arguing with rabbis. Look for a man with a beard. Jewish Private school & rabbinical schoolThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I'm tired of calling people antisemites. Start calling them "Jews." Jewish mega fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Jewish people got the old book, Christians added Jesus fan fiction. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I want to be a rabbi just so I can have hot sex I have to hide from God. AffairsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - The minyan / orgy crossover: "We just need one more. Come on…" Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - The Talmud says scholars should have sex every Friday night. We don't listen to the prude rabbis. Sex on ShabbatThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Flying Spaghetti Monster > carpenter from a fatherless home. Feast FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Pastafarians don't go door to door. Imagine: "Do you have a minute to talk about spaghetti and meatballs?" Feast FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I told Hitler jokes on a first date. No second date, but at least I get the Third Reich. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Bipolar 2 — it's the good one. I know because it's not the one Kanye has. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

- Plan B is just Plan A Part 2. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Happy ending at an Asian place — they also had noodles, so I got a happier ending. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Making a comedian laugh is like trying to bring a prostitute to orgasm. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I'm afraid of women — not on the dating apps, on Chess.com. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Dating apps = electric toothbrush. Still a toothbrush. Just works faster. Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I treat dating apps like cigarettes — quit once a quarter. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Relapsing on dating apps is relapsing on optimism. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I like my sex life like a French language movie star — not super big in America but huge overseas. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I would never pay for sex. But I would beg. Ha! I would totally pay. If I had the money. Fill Friday 4-4-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I'm a selfless lover — I'd pay a prostitute for an hour to make her cum. Flow FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I could never have sex with a prostitute — I'd be paying for the hour to make her cum. Flow FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Girls before a date: full NSA dossier. Guys: "niceeee." Girl code vs guy codeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Girls: "call me when you get home." Guys: "you better not come home." Girl code vs guy codeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I'm scared to tell people I have bipolar 2. "Makes sense." "Totally makes sense." BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Convincing someone to marry me = selling the house from Pet Sematary. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - The first threesome was supposed to be an orgy but only 2 people showed up. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - First threesome had 10 RSVPs on Partiful. Fool Friday 2-28This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Sex is a weekend activity now. My weekend is already full. Fight Friday 12-13-24This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Gorilla Glue → Gorilla Tape → Gorilla Couples Counseling. Some jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I'm such a romantic I snooze my alarm to stay with the girl of my dreams. Flow FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Awkward silences don't bother me. I was conceived in one. Fill Friday 12-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Shaq gummies — just like so many women in the 80s, you too could have a little bit of Shaq in your mouth. The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - IDK, but when a woman responds to my Instagram DM, I'm ready to pay alimony. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - In the future, an impending sense of doom means everyone is more likely to put out. Fracking Friday 4-5This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Keagle = prostate plank. Exercise for the muscle beneath your taint. Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Condoms tagline: "so kids are barely there." Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

- At least on Chess.com I can improve my Elo without deleting the app. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - If you know the Elo rating on Hinge, you are not doing okay. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Dating app chess opening: "I Eat Ass" — one of the only openings where you say what you're going to do before you do it. Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I tried ghosting my AI girlfriend. There's nowhere to run. AI girlfriendThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Hinge vs healthcare: women are overworked, in high demand, and I can't afford them. HingeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Convincing a woman to sleep with me is like getting a doctor to prescribe Adderall — it's a controlled substance, I want it every day. HingeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - When calling AI stupid, we're pretty much saying it into a mirror. AI 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - New sentient AI is communist. Republican Party tries to make its own AI — also communist. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Onlyfans creates optimal dick-rating AI. It becomes sentient, goes Skynet. Fff Friday 10-11This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Waymo is less scary than someone driving with their phone, doing a K-turn while applying makeup. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

- ADHD is like herpes — doesn't go away, people look at you weird before they find out. Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Who bullies their drug dealer? (Diagnosed with ADHD at 6 — was the Adderall plug.) Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Nature vs nurture? More like nature and nurture vs me. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Bipolar diagnosis takes 10 years — same as finding Bin Laden. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - My therapist is Seal Team 6. BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Smelling toast when you're having a stroke sucks, but not as much as having a stroke when hungry and the toast isn't done yet. Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Counting calories doesn't help you lose weight, just explains why you're gaining it. Like counting money: now I know why I'm poor. File Friday 9-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I hate sweatpants on me for the same reason I love them on women. Fool Friday 3-7-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - It's not fair: women who get fit look like Greek goddesses. Men who get fit look like really attractive rapists. Foul Friday 1-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I have performance anxiety. Trouble keeping it up. "It" is the good job. Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I'm a real Hollywood stuntman. I rawdog danger. Stuntman one linersThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - My body is a weapon and also the thing you use the weapon on. My back hurts. Stuntman one linersThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

- The NYC ferry — once a day, I get to be a pirate. Most captains are MTA employees with eyepatches and peg legs. Nyc ferryThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - The LA metro is the tricycle of public transportation — stable in theory, slow as fuck in practice. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - In California: people drive on autopilot. In New York: both hands on the horn or 2 middle fingers in the air. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I can see everything you do in your car from my bike. I don't have to keep my eyes on the road. Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - 1 in 8 Americans is Californian. I see 64 people on a good day — so I see 8 Californians a day. They're everywhere. 1 in 8 Americans is CalifornianThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I hope we never have another terrorist attack before the 12th. 9/11 and 10/7 are bad, but if I can't make a wish on 11:11… File Friday 9-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

- If you're a non-celebrity and you write an autobiography, 0 people will read it before you die — ideally because the Nazis found your hiding spot. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - The metaphysics of comedy: if it makes people laugh, it's funny. If not, it might still be funny — in a relative kind of way. AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I buy so many books — it's fun imagining what it would be like to be book smarter. I wish we could wear books like clothing. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Post nut clarity: I want a nap and don't have to tell anyone to leave. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I hold grudges against audience members. "How could you not fucking laugh at this joke?" 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Boy steps on crack, breaks momma's back; becomes a civil engineer. Never again. Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Isn't it odd that the only way to heaven is by stairs but we have an elevator to hell? It's called Vegas. 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I traded my cigarette addiction for a Japanese crime drama addiction — basically the same thing. All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - The coolest thing about zeroes and ones is that if you have enough of them, you can make a picture of boobs. Fill Friday 1-10This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Boeing employees' suicide rates fly higher than the 737 Max. 10 funny ish conceptsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - A sun dial feeling increasingly frustrated with daylight savings time. 10 funny ish conceptsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - Gorilla Glue, Gorilla Tape — what's next, Gorilla Couples Counseling? For marriages that should have ended a long time ago but you never signed a prenup. Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. - I told some Hitler jokes on a first date — no second date, but at least I get the Third Reich. Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Files read and incorporated:

- The one liner fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — core one-liner inventory, sex/relationships/Jewish - One liners 2026This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — short concept note (emoji/heart) - New jokes 2026This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — eucalyptus koala bit, Zola ads, body shapes - Some jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — abortion, body shapes, orgasm credit, friend zone - Some jokes but a little differentThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Jewish school, Putin, orgies, chess/dating apps - Nonsense bitsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — cowboys physical bit concept - Dad jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — trauma bit about estranged dad - Stuntman one linersThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — stuntman character one-liners - LinesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — "paint the beautiful bits" concept note - 10 funny ish conceptsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Boeing, sundial, assassin, daylight savings - All the jokes I wrote at 27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — toilet paper, shoe horn, AI, Keurig, furniture/mob - Drink new jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — full pirate set with embedded one-liners - Jokes over everything in the last 36 hoursThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — bird poop, caffeine, suck a dick for sleep, pickles, friend zone - Midnight mic jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — "the feelings power hour" note - Old jokes renewed pt2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — turtle, progressive guy, dogs, Mario Kart, dating apps/cigarettes, brothel - Old jokes renewed pt3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — French movie star, Jewish school attic, Piers Morgan, boners, Parkinson's Bond, Cybertruck - Hack comedy bit ideasThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — AI for farting, AI for horoscopes - Have you ever noticedThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — porn meta-commentary note - Jokes map SaturdayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — dating apps vs chess set (polished version), vasectomy van, orgies - Friday jokes 8-1-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — dating apps, bipolar disclosure, gay men look, socially awkward - Fill Friday 4-4-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — pay for sex - Fill Friday 1-10This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — porn downloading, Library of Alexandria - Fill Friday 1-23-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — cookies/printing press, egg shortage, laugh book - Fill Friday 12-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — porn sound bit concept - Fill Friday 12-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — chest hair, awkward silence, sneaky flirt - Ferocious Friday 4-19This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — spirit animal rabbi, invite-only singles, birthday - Ferocious Friday 5-31This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Hitler jokes, sex robot cuddle, books/autobiography - Feel em up Friday 6-6-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — mushroom coffee/condoms - Fracking Friday 4-5This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — birthday, open mics, Sasha Baron Cohen divorce, global warming - Follicle Friday 1-31-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — bipolar/ADHD/asthma, AI intelligence levels, foot fetish, sweatpants - Fool Friday 3-7-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — job market, AI, foot fetish deep dive - Fool Friday 2-28This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — orgy Partiful RSVP - Foo foo Friday 3-29This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Red Bull/Epstein, making babies - Foul Friday 1-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Greek goddesses vs men getting fit, crossing the street for women - Fight Friday 12-13-24This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Jewish frat star, canceling children, happy ending/noodles, sex as weekend activity - File Friday 9-27This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — 9/11 wish joke, transformers/scooters, counting calories, porn folder/Library of Alexandria - Fff Friday 5-30-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — kegels, condoms tagline, performance anxiety, investor pitch joke - Fff Friday 10-11This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Onlyfans AI one-liner - Flow FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — snoozed alarm/dream girl, prostitute selfless lover - Feast FridayThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Flying Spaghetti Monster, Pastafarianism - ADHDThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — multitasking paradox, poop yourself on stage - Adhd 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Adhd 3This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — ADHD herpes analogy, Adderall plug, GPS to improv girls - BipolarThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Bin Laden diagnosis, Seal Team 6, haunted house marriage, eat pussy for mental illness - HingeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Hinge as healthcare, controlled substance sex - Hinge 2026This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — looking at girlfriend's Hinge, tall Jewish babies - Jewish jokesThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — circumcision recognition bit - Jewish mega fileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — "start calling antisemites Jews" - Jewish Private school & rabbinical schoolThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — argue with rabbis, men with beards - Sex on ShabbatThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Talmud/Friday night sex - Sex robotsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — sex robots, "does not compute" - SexThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — opinion on sex / 100 times threshold - AI 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / AI 2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — calling AI stupid = calling ourselves stupid - AI girlfriendThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — ghosting AI girlfriend - AI dating apps 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — AI dating app as therapy - AcornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / acorns 1This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / acorns 2This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / Acorns 3-20This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / 10 more acorns for a nutThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. / 10 more funny acornsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — dense fragment files - 1 in 8 Americans is CalifornianThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — 8 Californians a day - Nyc ferryThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — ferry captain pirate, hating someone who's like you - Girl code vs guy codeThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — military metaphor for friendship codes - Girls with boyfriendsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — friend zone as end zone - 2nd generation immigrant traumaThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — trauma waterfall - AffairsThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — rabbi/pastor for the hot secret sex - Dating.mdThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — Jewish family, pegged after marriage - Subway Sunday 2-9-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. — strip club / Super Bowl, all-boys school Skype romance