Bike vasectomy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVao_yjjwVV/

Been riding my bike a lot since I got back to California like 50 miles in the last twenty-four hours. I'm so deeply uncomfortable right now.

Like my taint has become an eight. It stopped the the bikes ain't so sharp.

I feel like I don't have a set of testicles anymore. I have two individual balls that want nothing to do with each other.

My genitals are the most Jewish thing ever now. I got circumcised tip and I got a balls that are in the middle of a diaspora.

And just like the Jews is just waiting for the chosen one you know. Hey.

Hey.

So I was riding my bike and a bus passed me

almost killed me. I almost died because I didn’t want to take that bus.

I was like. I’m gonna bike there. The bus found me I was lost and the bus found me.

There are studies that say that long cycling can lead to infertility

and that sucks. Everyone knows that women are attracted to men who wear helmets.

Biking can get really scary.

honestly I’m happy to be alive.

Not as efficient as driving a car

But I wake up every day like I was just visited by all three spirits of Christmas.

And it’s important for me to enjoy this life because that seat has pretty much pinched off my prostate.

There’s so much fiction they’re not only is my prostate separated. It’s also cauterized.

So yeah, I gotta appreciate this life because I’m not gonna have any kids

Yeah, for some reason, I didn’t give myself a vasectomy, even though everybody knows the best way to sever your vast deferens is by road biking down Cahuenga

the bicycle helmet is another layer of birth control.

Like if for some reason I do produce a sperm

That sperm isn’t gonna make it to the end

If it’s anything like me, it’s gonna be like "oh it’s a nice day, the sun is out, and a Lyft would cost me $40. I'm gonna bike there"

My sperm is going to die in transit because it just doesn’t care for surge pricing