looking at a butt and having a realization

You guys ever look at someone's butt

And think

Maybe the reason I don't have a good relationship with my father is that I didn't have enough context for what it's like to be an adult

→

Like maybe he did do his best. He had a kid at a very young age. He was 19.

→ imagine having a kid before you get the chance to learn how to pull out correctly

And he tried his best

And sometimes you try your best and you're still not good enough

→ like right now, on stage I’m trying my best

Maybe it takes realizing that you yourself are trying your best and you don't always meet your own expectations. Makes it a little bit easier to ease up on the people you love. Not lower expectations — more compassion.

→ like now that I’ve messed up a relationship I can totally see why my parents got divorced?

But realizing this on a Monday night at (time write before getting on stage) (look at watch) doesn't mean your problems are automatically fixed

You're not going to just call your dad and make up with him because you saw a nice butt

→ if looking at butts solved our problems every man would be perfect

But you consider it. And then you start playing out the hypothetical of what that conversation might be like with your father.

→

Maybe you say hey listen, I'm not perfect and I'm sorry for my part. I was definitely a stubborn teenager.

And I want an apology from you but I might not necessarily get one. So I just want you to know that I love you even if we don't make up with each other.

I know you love me too.

→

And he says thank you for the apology. I won't apologize because I've done nothing wrong.

But it's been a pleasure to see you grow up, and I get teary-eyed when I think about the brilliant young man that you've become.

→

And also I can imagine that you have your own demons and I wish you were on good enough terms with me that you were able to share them growing up. Instead of me just wondering what substances you've abused as you've gotten older.

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And I say well listen, nothing out of the ordinary. I smoke a lot of weed. I've abused booze, but I definitely drink enough that I have a gut.

And I've made a lot of mistakes in romantic relationships. I've been ignorant. I've been stubborn. I've been insensitive to the feelings of the person I've been with. And I've been indecisive about what I want from life and because somebody got involved with me, they felt that.

→

And he's like oh tell me about it

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And then we start to commiserate about what it's like to mess up love

→

And maybe after a few beers at that point in a conversation, we both let our guard down just a little bit more and we actually say the words I love you

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And we hug each other. And it starts as a shallow hug but then it grows into a deeper hug where we go chest to chest, belly to belly

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He starts to tear up so he hugs tighter because he doesn't wanna let go yet and pull back and let me see the tears rolling down his face

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Little does he know I'm crying full on. Crying so much that my mascara would run if I was wearing mascara.

→

So I hug even tighter. Because while we feel safe with each other, neither one of us wants to show weakness.

→

And then you snap back to reality and think

Damn. Nice ass.

→

Wondering if this is the first thought that led to your conception

→ follows into dad jokes dad forced business loan — "So these are a bunch of dad jokes. I haven't spoken to my dad in two years. He forged my signature on a $100,000 business loan. Kind of cool I know I can get approved for a business loan."

1. What's the most specific thing your dad has ever said to you that made you feel like he loved you without saying it? Not a Hallmark line — the weird way dads actually express it. 2. What did he actually do at 19 that you now understand? Not "he tried his best" in general — what specific thing did you judge him for that you've now done yourself or come close to? 3. When did you first realize you were becoming him? Was there a moment?

4. What's the thing you've done in a relationship that you're most ashamed of that you've never said on stage? That's the one that makes the room go quiet in a way that earns the hug. 5. "Oh tell me about it" — does your dad have his own relationship failures he'd actually share? What's his version? If the audience hears his fuckups mirror yours, they're locked in. 6. Is there a moment where you and your dad are more similar than either of you would admit? That's the emotional core.

7. What does your dad actually smell like? That's the detail that makes a hug real on stage. 8. Has your dad ever cried in front of you? If yes, what happened? If no — that's the bit. You're imagining something that's never happened. 9. The "shallow hug to deep hug" — have you actually hugged your dad recently? What did it feel like? Or is this the hug you haven't had yet?

10. Is this the conversation you've actually had, the one you want to have, or the one you know will never happen? The audience doesn't need to know — but you do, because it changes how you perform the snap back. "Damn, nice ass" after a fantasy reconciliation is devastating. After a real one it's just funny.