> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

But I like to plan ahead

So I plant an apple seed a day

Source: Friday 9-5-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I want to have kids someday

Only problem is that you have to make them

And if you adopt, you have to keep them? I wish you can rent children,

Like rent the runway?

Try a kid on for an event and then send it to someone who thinks a colored kid will look good on them

Source: Friday 9-5-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I used to go out with this women who told me that she likes "princess treatment"

So I locked her in a tower, guarded by a dragon

Source: Friday 9-5-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Some diseases are named after the person who discovered them. Like Alzheimer's was named after Alois Alzheimer. And some are named after the people who had it Lou Gehrig's disease? He just had it.

So why did John Langdon Down name Down's Syndrome after himself?

That's like getting chlamydia and calling it "Tony's thing."

Source: Thursday 8-14-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Some typos are worse than other When fuck is autocorrected to duck

That's funny

When :) is autocorrected to ;) That's too much

Source: Sunday 7-6-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My impression of a Catskills comedian from the perspective of a 7 year old: "The soup is good!" "This hotel is nice but more expensive than it should be"

Source: Sunday 7-6-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I wish bottomless brunch meant like a bottomless stack of pancakes

Why is it more socially acceptable to get super stupid drunk at noon

But I can't have a pancake belly and take a nap until 4 PM

Source: Saturday 8-16-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I like take naps because I prefer to watch my dreams at the matinee

2 hours cost instead of 6+hours cost

Source: Saturday 8-16-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My dreams are so suspenseful I don't drink anything before I go to sleep because I don't want to miss anything good

Source: Saturday 8-16-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I miss smoking cigarettes because nobody looks at somebody smoking cigarettes and wonder what's wrong with them outside of

The whole smoking cigarettes thing

Especially at night like

Because I saw some cigarettes, I can't go sit outside at night

If you're sitting outside at 11 PM

You know cause it's nice and quiet and nobody's bothering you

People look at you like something is wrong

But if you have a cigarette in your hand

Everyone will think "Oh he stepped out for a smoke"

Source: Saturday 8-16-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I sexually identify as an overthinker

Maybe I'm gay?

I've kissed a guy and didn't mind

Source: Monday 8-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I love that Google has that dinosaur jump video game

"Sorry you are disconnected from all information ever. Here's an 8 bit dinosaur to remember how their extinct

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

God made Adam super tall.

And after they ate the apple, he made them shorter

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Sometimes I catch myself judging gay people for dressing so gay

Like tube tops and lipstick

Like that's kind of a lot. Can't you be gay without all that?

But then I remember

We judge straight men for dressing too straight.

"Leather Harley Davidson jacket? Overcompensating much?" "A mullet? That's like the male equivalent of bangs"

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I think we think we tell if someone is gay by looking at this

Because

Gay people have this look on their face

That look that says they can finally be themselves

Which, if this is right, means

That straight men are hiding something

Maybe they're hiding that they like anime

Source: Sunday 8-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I saw a women with her son on the train

And he had this book of Pokémon

And she was pointing at the Pokémon with a pencil

Like she was teaching him But also learning about it herself

Like when parents try to help their kids with math

But she looked like she was in her 40s and she was walking to her kids about Pokémon

She was a good parent

You can beat your kids and if you try to connect with them oh Pokémon? You're a good parent

Source: Sunday 8-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I forgot my watch at home, so I have no idea-

how long my baby has been in the car

This hypothetical must be confusing for y'all

One one hand:

I neglect my children

On the other I have a car (in theory)

I promise I'm not a terrible guy

I'm just a terrible person

As far as guys go, I'm average!

Source: Tuesday 10-21-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I've been meaning to try that joke out for like a week now.

And every single time I get up on stage I'm like, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, and I forget.

I subscribe to an OnlyFans creator's sub stack.

Yeah, though, is that...

I feel like I say that nobody believes me.

How did you find her sub stack?

Well, that's what we pass around in the group chat.

The first article we read was analyzing the market value of fat titties.

Turns out that's not really just for the guys, it's because there's more money in big boobs.

But how else am I gonna let you guys know I read?

Source: Wednesday 2-12 micThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I like magicians because they make lying cool

It's okay to lie if it's about something people shouldn't believe in the first place.

Source: Wednesday 1-14-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream

Not all dreams are created equal

I also had a dream

I slept with my friend's mom

Source: Monday 11-3-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Salt is a great food preservative

Which is why

I don't get when people call people who are upset, salty

Like "hey, you look like you could keep my food fresh for a long time" "Let's make jerky together"

Source: Tuesday 10-21-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I think it's weird when people carry cigarettes and a vape

That's like carrying a gun and a blow dart

That's like carrying around a book, but also a pamphlet (I just need to do some light reading right now)

Source: Tuesday 10-21-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My shadow represents everything I could be: Tall, dark, and invisible at night

I'd love to be invisible Mostly because being invisible let's you haunt people without being dead

Like I would love to haunt people

But I also don't want to be dead

Source: Tuesday 10-21-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

A girl once asked me what my body count was

I didn't want to tell her

Not because I'm a murderer

Or because I'm a prude

But because I'm hella smooth with the ladies and I can't remember

Source: Wednesday 10-29-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

So you might've noticed that a lot of times were like stores and restaurants will do is leave their lights on overnight

As a deterrent from thieves, because you know that somebody walking by will see them, and they won't be able to hide under the cover of darkness

But I think you should actually do is you should have it just dark, but you should have one flickering light

Anybody who robs a place with one flickering light that makes that little sound that buzz

They're not afraid of running into a ghost

Think that would make a great death deterrent if the store just looked like it was haunted

Source: Friday 11-28-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My favorite part about chekhov's gun is that it doesn't have to be a gun

If the writer wants to show you. Murderous tellitubby

That Telly tubby is going to murder

If they introduce a cop that cop is going to do cop things

Either show up at the wrong time and abuse their power or show up at the right time and save them

Source: Thursday 11-27-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Did you know you can lock your sms app with your Face ID?

Like an extra lock on top of the lock for your phone

Cheaters take note.

And girlfriends of cheaters, step up your game

Hire a private investigator and steal your boyfriend's credit card to pay for it

Source: Friday 12-19-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't do blessings

You can't spell 'bless' without 'less'

That's why I bmore

Source: Friday 12-19-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Addendum to the haunted house bit.

What would the house need in order for you to buy it even if it was haunted?

Would you buy the Diddy home even if it was hunted by all that baby oil because it had 10 bedrooms did you buy the Menendez house because somebody refinished the floors

See there's this part of me that feels like you're buying a home with termites

The termites are my porn addiction because they are eating away at my ability to maintain Wood

Source: Friday 12-26-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Is everyone else having kung fu dreams?

Is it racist that I play Jackie Chan in my dreams and I do the Asian voice?

Is it only racist if you dont actually don't want trouble. If you want trouble, then it's 100% racist

I think doing Jackie Chan is less racist that doing Chris Tucker

And both of those aren't as racist as this premise

Source: Tuesday 1-6-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I love the saying "with all due respect"

Because it's usually followed by something disrespectful

And while you're trying to soften the blow, we are actually saying this is all the respect you deserve you piece of shit

Source: Tuesday 1-6-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Dreams are so incredibly interesting

They represent what we say we want when we're awake

And they also represent what we want when we're asleep

I can't help, but wonder if my dreams are valid

With Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream

Not all dreams are created equal

I also had a dream

I slept with my friend's mom

Source: Monday 11-3-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I think if we could live forever, we'd all be very good at the crossword puzzle

Because if you live to 2000 years old, you better know all the words

We'll probably run out of words for wordle

The last valid game will probably be Russian roulette

Source: Tuesday 2-24-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I think the reason time travelers haven't come back to see us is because they could live forever and we're babies to them

Like they're thousand years old or something and we're like on the upper end 90 to 100 years old

Even our elderly are just super babies

And if you think that's silly

Think about how you feel about somebody who is 10 years younger than you

Source: Wednesday 2-18-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't run a tight ship What's the opposite of a tight ship. Is it a loose cannon?

Source: Saturday 2-21-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Guys! Girls! We're so different

Girls look in the mirror and do something about it.

Guys look in the mirror and we're like. Okay I can still pass for a rectangle, let's goooo

Source: Saturday 2-21-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

The term easy on the eyes is weird

"I don't mind looking at you." "I can only look at you because it's not hard. If it were even medium effort to look at you, I wouldn't"

Source: Saturday 2-21-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't believe in ownership of other people

But if another man calls me, my guy

I'm his guy

I love about this to my guy, but I love about this term is that it's not even specific

Source: Friday 8-22-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Remember how we started sexualizing abs

It started with Brad Pitt

And then all of a sudden, a bunch of men got abs

Explain why we have formative males

Like males will read in public

Cook their pants five times even though two would be enough

Because we sexualize this alt hipster type of men

I think we just need to sexualize the right things so we can progress as a society

Let's sexualize finding the cure for cancer

Sexualizing, taking out trash and doing the dishes without being asked

I know this works because I started doing this and I gotta say I feel like touching myself all the time

Source: Thursday 12-11-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Some people use mental models to make decisions

Whenever somebody tells you about mental models, you know that person is not fun to hang around

Because they're either a nerd

or they own a company and they're your boss and they're telling you what to do

Or worse, they're both

I like mental supermodels

I like this one mental supermodel

she's this crazy lady from Lithuania

And she just gives me confidence

Mostly because she speaks and read at a fourth grade level

I feel like I'm actually earning enough money

And this is when you are making a hypothetical woman

You really can use the confidence boost where you can get it

And I find that on days I've had sex in the morning

I don't really feel like I need to solve any problems

There's no need for mental models

Source: Monday 12-22-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Weed makes things harder. But if you smoke all the time it also makes things feel easier. It makes you think you're better at the thing than you are

High pilot

High guy at the dispensary

I had to quit smoking weed

Because I realized my fridge just couldn't survive the munchies

Like the last time I smoked weed

I open my fridge and realized

I had

Negative food

I didn't know it but it turns out your fridge is actually a great incubator for dark matter

I'm pretty sure if I kept smoking,

My fridge would have turned into the black hole my stomach used to be

Source: Saturday 10-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I quit smoking weed so I could get laid more

And it's worked

But I think that's because I stopped thinking high thoughts

And I stopped liking things I liked while I was high

Like I quit smoking and I stopped watching anime

Source: Monday 12-22-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I grew up on goosebumps

I do lines of cocaine with a flock of geese

Source: Wednesday 1-14-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I like to hit on men

I'm not gay

I just think we could use the ego boost

I don't like hitting on women

I like treating them Like normal people

You know

Just to mix it up

Too many men, when they meet a women for the first time,

They hit on them

Because they believe that you need a woman to make their decision about you

Source: Saturday 10-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I feel like I never don't wanna see a girl

Like if I see a woman in the distance, I'll fuck there is a woman in the distance. This is great.

But I feel like we don't. The same thing doesn't apply to me doesn't apply to men.

Like I think women look great from the farm give them the benefit that they look great from afar and we just hope that they get a little closer

Look great from the far, but you never wanna tell a woman that she looks great from afar

You you look great at the distance

Source: Thursday 8-14-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

If transitions were quicker, people would look at you and realize the only thing that's changed if your appearance and maybe that would end misogyny at misandry

—> Instant transitions, like a vaccine would obviously still be protested by people

—> You'd look and sound totally different one day and it would be a great way to get everyone's opinion at once

Source: Monday 1-26-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't do drugs anymore

Instead I deprive myself of sleep

and guys

It's awesome

Insomnia induced psychosis is a lot like tripping

Source: Thursday 2-19-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Ai chatbots have memory now

And it's going to be a strong memory

It won't forget

Years will go by and you'll still be able to look things up

Like all the chats you started in and out of a relationship

Source: Thursday 10-23-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I should be at work

Letting AI do my job for me

I like ai because I can finally use my computer with my voice

Now my hands are free to eat Doritos

Miracle of modern science

Some people ask me if I'm worried about AI stealing my job

Nope

AI can't do my job

AI can't tell my boss the affair we're having is wrong

Source: Friday 11-7-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Is anyone else afraid they're going to find out they're AI?

I think the scariest part of simulation theory is the feeling that that it we are simulations, isn't that pretty much AI? We're just open claw. AM I just a program running on a Mac mini?

Ai and I have so much in common.

I also act like I know the answer to the question

I also hallucinate

And I also can't be trusted to run your business

—> I feel like when people ask who I am, like "who are you, without all the things you do. Who is David?", my brain short circuits, and I'm like "who is David"

Source: Wednesday 2-18-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I used to share an office with the software company

Call dieta health

It was an AI company that essentially helped you understand your gut health

All you have to do is take photos of your poop every day

Very concerned about the fact that AI is taking our jobs

I think this is a job that you can take

Source: Saturday 10-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I tried making an ai video of my day saying "I love you"

But it wasn't believable

Too enthusiastic

And I would know

Because my dad says I love you

Source: Thursday 10-23-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

People have been publishing all these different prompts for ChatGPT

"Use this prompt to completely transform your usage of ChatGPT!"

But it won't always work

It kind of feels like they're giving bad parenting advice

"Teach your kids to talk about your feelings"

Source: Tuesday 11-18-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Sleeping with the blinds down is a brave move. It's like saying you're either going to will yourself out of bed without the help of natural light, or you're gonna get a lot more sleep than you bargained fo

Source: Saturday 1-10-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I want to try a polycule

I would love to see what it's like to fight for my girlfriend's attention with my other girlfriend or boyfriend

I'd love to do a polycule on a trial basis

Give them my credit card and if I forget to cancel, they can charge me

Because if I forget that means my life didn't get any worse

And that's better than most relationships

Half the time I see a friend in a new relationship, their life gets visibly worse

Source: Thursday 2-19-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I sometimes want to be a dj

Because a lot of the people I've been interested in have fucked a dj and regretted it

But I'm afraid when I think about how much shit djs get if they're not good

I've been given the aux too many times and disappointed my friends and family

Being a dj is like being given the aux but the ability to make your taste in music looks even worse

What if I play the wrong Lana del ray song mashed up with the wrong Kanye song?

—> I wonder how many friends I would lose if I became a DJ

—> on one hand, I could be the next Fred again. On the other hand, I can contract several venereal diseases

Source: Monday 1-26-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I've been learning about this thing

Performative males

Like men who act a certain way around women

Men who read in public

That's really unfortunate because I like reading

But I don't want women to like me

So I have to hide my books

Source: Tuesday 10-21-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I'm afraid of spiders because I'm afraid I'll have to kill again

Source: Friday 12-26-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't like animal testing.

I'm happy that for the most part we stopped, but I think that we should start testing the effects of alcohol on animals.

And then we can answer questions like

What animals are the best hang?

—> Capybaras are chill I hear

Do giraffes do funky things their neck

Can they keep them up right?

What about monkeys

What about camels do they still have to pee a lot or drink a lot and they're still good days for drinking water?

What about parrots? do they repeat the stupid shit you say if you get drunk? will they help you remember what happened.

—> getting drunk with a dolphin feels dangerous because I've learned they're kind of rapey

Source: Monday 1-26-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I lie, if somebody accuses you lying, and you told him that you don't lie

Then you are lying about lying

Source: Thursday 1-1-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Smoking a cigarette:

A woman smoking a full cigarette is sexy

But an almost done cigarette is not

So you get less sexy as you smoke a cigarettes

Source: Monday 12-22-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I think the reason that Muslim heaven has 72 virgins is because the person who wrote the Quran thought his favorite woman was a virgin

She was like "yeeeah"

"Im a virgin"

So this guy just went around thinking

Virgins know how to arch their backs

Source: Monday 12-22-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Sometimes I consider getting hit by a cop car And collecting the payout

Source: Monday 12-22-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I'm afraid that I'm going to be a repulsive bald person

B if I can't keep my hair

If I'm losing my hair, I feel like I might lose other things like My Children

My wife

The house

If I go bald, I better be rich by the time I'm bald

And Jacked

Essentially, gotta be Jeff Bezos, but not as evil

And if I started a space company, I promise my spaceship will not look like giant dick

In fact, I think I would make them look like giant vagina just because I am a feminist

And it would be a metaphor let's send all the vaginas in his face

A while ago, we sent out the voyager one which had a bunch of our classical music in his history people

I think it was supposed to be putting humanities best foot forward

I think if we want the alias to come visit us, we should've just sent out

A giant spaceship in this shape of vagina

Because right now they're probably look at these blue origin rockets

They are shaped like penises

And aliens must be like

OK fine. You might have the size but do you know how to use it?

Source: Wednesday 1-28-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't trust chandeliers. I'm afraid of being near chandeliers

What if they fall- in love with me

I'm a rolling stone, I can't go out with a suspended ornament.

—> chandeliers are a beautiful safety hazard, like

Source: Sunday 2-15-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't like that we call them armadillos. Because their arms aren't that big a deal

literally means "little armored one,

It's interesting that's what they called it

Because the armadillos body looks like one really long foreskin, which is what I would say but tbh I haven't seen enough foreskins to make that relation automatically

Source: Sunday 2-15-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.