> Extracted from dated notes. Each section is one bit/idea, separated by ---. Source file noted.

I'm not on speaking terms with my dad.

I even think he knows that I do comedy

And it's probably for the best

Although my dream is to write a joke so good.

That it repairs the relationship I have with my estranged father

Just like you say that I wouldn't have sex with animals do And he's just like.

"my son that's my son.

Good son "

Source: Tuesday 9-9-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

A long time ago, my dad used to hit me

And yes. That sounds bad.

But it would be so much worse if I added one word "on"

I would MUCH rather my dad hit me than hit ON me.

—> and I feel bad posting this but my dad, in his defense, he stopped.

I love that excuse for parents. "HEY! At least I stopped"

—> My entire childhood my mom would call me smart

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

A girl I knew broke up with my friend and started sleeping with his friends.

Kind of everyone actually

But me

She bragged about it too

I think she wanted to hurt him by sleeping with his friends

But if you did that to me

Sure I would Be mad at my friends but I would be impressed by you

—> That's so nice of you. I know you're trying to hurt me but all your doing is making my homies' dreams come true

—> Also, that's crazy because I have some friends that will not sleep with you unless you grab dinner with them first, and that means you got dinner with them too. —> How often do guys' sleep with their exes friends?

Source: Monday 2-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I was supposed to be like a first generation college graduate, but I dropped out of college

But my dad had me when he was 19 so I'm pretty sure I was still like a first generation condom where

Source: Friday 12-19-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My dad was 19 when he had me 18 when I was conceived

He literally didn't know how to pull out

Source: Friday 11-28-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I have some friends that started having kids and I'm jealous

Of the kids

I believe in my friends so much that I think those kids are going to have such wonderful lives

Source: Friday 11-28-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I recently found out I'm allergic to dogs

And that significantly narrow the options of who I can be in a relationship with

That girl who has an emotional support animal

Nope

Source: Friday 11-28-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

(Pull out a Rubik's cube and solve it in too minutes)

I got the light which means I have 2 minutes

You should see what I can do in 2 minutes

I can solve a Rubik's cube in 2 minutes and that isn't something to brag about

That is how I let you know

I'm a child of divorce

My parents liked arguing

My parents would just be yelling and yelling

And I'd just be disassociating thinking, "Left up, right left" (real Rubik's cube algorithm)

That's a real algorithm

My parents just getting distracted like

"Look your yelling made him autistic"

"No that was your genetics! Have you met your mother?"

"You swore you'd never mention that again"

"You're right baby. I'm sorry. I'm Just mad and lashing out. You don't deserve it"

Then they'd go into their room

And I'd still Be there solving my rubiks cube

But I'm not

I am

Bipolar 2

My psychiatrist

For the longest time

Had no idea what was wrong with me

And then he met my parents and he's like

"I- get it"

Source: Wednesday 10-29-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I have friend that have gotten married and then divorced

And I'm still single

And it kind of feels like we we've been playing Mario kart and they just lapped me

They're like "oh good to be single we're two single guys two single guys doing single guy things"

—> I'm like "you have kids"

—> and they're like "good thing it's a renters' market!" And I'm like "you OWN a home"

I fucking wish I had a blue shell

—> the blue shell is taking them out and enabling them to cheat on their wives

Source: Saturday 1-31-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I used to hang out with the wrong people

Until they realized they were hanging out with the wrong person.

It turns out it was mutual.

We just weren't right for each other.

Source: Friday 9-5-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Whenever I've been going out with somebody for long enough,

I like to ask them if they love me enough to help me bury a body's".

I don't intend on ever killing anybody,

but I would like to keep this person on their toes

Source: Saturday 8-3-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I have friends it's like different groups of friends that I am 100% sure.

If I ever got them together

Would end up in a race war

My best friend he is in the Ku Klux Klan

And I gotta say he is surprisingly good at compartmentalization

My other best friend is a civil rights activist

Who actually spends most of his time on the couch

I actually feel like I have just friends that I know would not get along in any capacity

Like particularly if you think about the conflict that's going on right now in Gaza I have friends that would totally disagree on it and I somehow managed way to find a way to disagree with both of them and I have to hide that opinion

Source: Saturday 8-3-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Getting these emails about how my credit score is going down

But I've noticed that you really look at the email when it's going down

And it's the same with an intervention it's like we only get together as friends and surprise each other either for a birthday or to say you need to stop drinking because you're hurting us

We never do interventions to say

"hey dude you're killing it"

We just fucked our schedule to tell you we love you man

An email would also be good even if it's weird

Imagine your friend just sent you random emails to tell you

"I see you hustling boy"

Source: Sunday 8-24-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I got married this year

Yeah thank you guys! I got married to

This idea

Wonderful idea

That idea?

I'm worthy of love

And eventually I will find someone to marry.

Yeah.

I'm married to the idea that I'll get married

Anyways, we got married earlier this year

And things didn't work out

So now I'm divorced from the idea that I'll get married

Worst part?

That was my fourth idea. And I didn't make her sign a prenup so I won't even have as much to give to my next idea.

I'm gonna be alone forever

Source: Monday 1-5-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Men need to cry more

Crying is like an emotional oil change and every man I know is driving like their car like it's not going to break down

Source: Friday 11-28-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Is it just me or when a woman breaks up with boyfriend do you also immediately think you can make her happy?

Like all the work you've done on yourself was for the moment you could be the one healthy rebound boyfriend?

Like you went to therapy so you can capitalize on another man's mistake?

Source: Tuesday 2-24-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't think Donald trump blew bill clinton

Because I believe he fucked him

And Donald isn't a giver

Source: Friday 11-28-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

When my alarm goes off, I like to play this game where I hit the snooze button as many times as I can until I feel like a piece of shit and I don't even wanna get out of bed anymore

Did you know you can get an extra hour of sleep if you hit the snooze button 6 times?

Source: Friday 12-19-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Going back to sleep after a weird dream is dangerous

I'm pretty sure just saying hey that was a weird dream. Put me back to sleep and give me a different dream please.

It's like ordering something and then realizing that you're allergic towards inside

But it's strange cause all these weird dreams live next to each other

Had a dream about my ex and I'm back to sleep and I'm like please don't give me that scary clown

Feels like practically speaking, I'm stuck between a dream about my ex and my sleep paralysis demon

Source: Friday 12-19-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

When I was five, my dad beat me

At races

Mostly

Also beat me

At catch

Did you know that you could play catch with your dad and lose?

Yeah, he stopped. Beating me when I got a little bit older and I could fight back.

Source: Tuesday 2-24-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Some people have such an easy time forgiving themselves for things they've done

Not me

I don't know how I'm ever going to forgive myself for some of the stupid shit I did when I was younger

When I was 10, I accused my friend's older sister of fooling around with her boyfriend in the woods

I had no proof

They just disappeared into the woods for longer than I could count

And every adult in the room let me fucking have it

Source: Friday 12-19-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I like being a third wheel because I don't have to do anything

Like if I'm on a date, I'm hanging out one on one with a friend. I have to actively Listen

I have to ask questions.

if I'm the third wheel, I don't have to do anything and it's kind of like beautiful

like honestly sometimes I like being a third wheel just so I can go back to my childhood

when my parents were arguing at the DMV

and I'm just like playing game boy in the corner

Source: Thursday 2-5-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Valentine's Day was hard this year

Because I'm beefing with my homie

And it's weird

He's been responding in the group chat but not to my DMs

—> Beefing with your homies is dumb, because you can't get any closure

Source: Sunday 2-15-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

Women have revenge bodies and men have look maxing

That's crazy

Women are like: "I'm going to get so hot he'll regret ever losing Me"

But men are like "I shall see what this body is capable of or die trying"

At least revenge bodies are productive because somebody suffers.

That's important. That's important that your actions make other people suffer because a lot of self improvement comes from suffering.

Source: Sunday 2-15-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

My friend recently asked me how old my kids were

I don't have kids

But that's weird that the assumed I do…

Source: Tuesday 2-24-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I have opinions about women

They're amazing

Women are awesome

Sorry I guess I actually only have 1 opinion

Whenever I meet a woman I'm inspired to be a little better

Source: Tuesday 2-24-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I want a girl who is up and out taking a walk on a Saturday at 9:30 AM

Yeah, it's not like I want out or anything. It's more than I just want somebody who didn't stay out so late that the they can't wake up

You're out until 4 AM. You go home with somebody. Why are you even staying tonight?

Why would you stay the night when the sun comes up in two hours?

Source: Saturday 8-16-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't like to ask questions like how does my butt look in these pants?

I prefer to ask

How do these pants look on my butt?

Because the first question kind of applies that I'm willing to change my butt for the pants

But the second question tells you that I'm actually asking about the pants

I can change my pants

Source: Tuesday 9-9-25This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

So a lot of my friends have been very supportive about me doing comedy

But when they find out, I can juggle

They say they usually say something like

"That's so cool. you should work juggling into your act"

And that is a very nice way to say that they don't really like my comedy

I mean, I appreciate that. They're trying to help me impress more people up here.

But it just feels kind of like

I'm acting and they should say you probably be pretty good at politics

Or I play basketball and be like hey man, you would make a great dribbler

Source: Monday 3-2-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.

I don't like calling people a fuck boy

Because I think every guy is a fuck boy

Inside every man is a little fuck boy

Even if he doesn't know it so I don't wanna cast dispersions because you know they're true

Like I don't wanna call a man a fuck boy for the same reason I don't wanna go into a room full of billionaires and yell pedophile

Cause I don't wanna be right

Source: Thursday 2-19-26This file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all.