The "Jew from the Future" persona is one of David's most fully realized characters. The FUTURE megafileThis file never made it to this site. There's some truly random shit I write in my notes and I can't share it all. is the central document — a long, multi-section piece with both "spoken" and "unspoken" sections, plus a show runsheet. This may be the single most developed piece in the entire vault.

"I'm a Jew from the future, which means: - I was circumcised with a lightsaber. Not so cool for me, but for the mohel? I'm sure he felt PRETTY PRETTY cool. - 'May the foreskin be with you.' - My rabbi is really good with computers. I mean he is a computer. - We read the Bible as it was meant to be read, on a giant hologram with live re-enactments of all the violent stories."

The persona is built on the collision of Jewish identity with futurism — the Jewishness doesn't disappear in the future, it just upgrades.

"Eeee-eeee-eeee-eee-eee" — that joke kills in the dolphin rooms. The actual joke: blowhole / saltwater / "I love that shit." Dolphin strip clubs → dolphin mob. A cigar-smoking don and a nervous accountant ("eee... these numbers don't make sense!"). Can't tell dolphin jokes back home "because of the implication."

"My wife Gladys is a robot. She's the love of my life. She's a minx. She's a sex-machine. Well actually, she was originally manufactured as a toaster." Then: "I cheated on my wife with a blender / another toaster / a pop-tart / a human woman / a Murphy bed / a sentient grapefruit. Such bitter consent but it felt so good."

1. You can say you're from the future, but not when. "That's how we can get away with speaking the truth." 2. No sex — can't afford paradoxes 3. No sports betting 4. Avoid your ancestors: "You never know how attractive your grandma is until you meet her and she slaps you upside the head... Grandma was a hottie"

"We send robots back in time kind of like you guys order Uber Eats." A Terminator-style robot sent back for the McRib. When they get the order wrong, he sends a cop-robot after the first robot. "The whole plot of Terminator 2 was inspired by the time McDonald's didn't get my order 100% right."

"Bet you didn't see that coming... if we had known that Taiwan's independence meant my chicken lo mein would turn to shit, I would have supported uniting them with the mainland. I am not a bad person. I'm just a picky eater."

"My favorite art piece in the future is 'Time Enough to Love' — painted by Donald Trump after he gave up politics to live in the Maldives. Kind of like a reverse Hitler. Politics and THEN a failed art career."

Evil states over-compensate: Germany still careful and efficient. The US "stayed a moderately shitty place for hundreds of years." We have laser guns now, and everyone who was anti-gun became pro-second amendment.

Canada's assisted suicide is currently bureaucratic. In the future: no hassle, doctors do house calls. "There are bargain bin options... a rope that might break... the Vancouver bridge is a good option but there's a line. More bespoke options: you can recreate your death by velociraptor."

"Like you can find a robot smoking Pall Malls in Birkenstocks outside the Blick. And every AI, when asked about their art, will tell you it's shit — their worst piece yet. They also speak in shitty platitudes." — The AI is an artist "not because he doesn't know what it's like to spend weeks on a piece only to still hate it, but he is an artist in the sense that, like many artists, he will not be able to sell his art."

These appear in the "unspoken" section and are ripe for development:

- "3 minutes is more than enough time to disappoint a sex robot." - "A sex robot will never fake an orgasm." (David has faked one → full circle) - "In the future, everyone is generally a lot less needy, because of sex robots." - "In the future, the most popular comedy club is in the rear of a decommissioned war machine — something about long past war crimes that amplifies the comedy." - "In the future, Trader Joe's employs toddlers. Service is still great. I don't know how the lines move so fast." - "Build-a-Bear Workshop lets you also build sex robots." - "The space elevator plays terrible elevator music." - "The most valuable antique is a first edition copy of Shrek 2 on VHS." - "In the future, it's not weird to kiss your friends on the lips. It IS technically weird to grab their butt while you do it, but that doesn't stop me." - "No one believes in Santa anymore. People still believe in astrology." - "In the future, most men look like women... it's not even gay if you accidentally sleep with a man. It could literally happen to anyone." - "In the future, existential dread is out, existential hope is in fashion."

- Jewishness persists across time — circumcision jokes still land in the future; the rabbi is a computer - Sex robots as social commentary: they reduce neediness and improve relationships — a genuinely interesting argument buried under absurdity - Familiar current events as future history: Taiwan, Trump, Russia — these age well or badly depending on when performed - The persona allows transgression: speaking as someone "from the future" gives license to be more blunt about present-day absurdity - The wife being a toaster is a perfect comic image: domestic, mundane, yet totally alien. The cheating escalation (blender → toaster → pop-tart → human woman) is a masterful list construction. - This is a full show concept — the runsheet suggests it's been performed as a standalone show